


Peter Parker's extraordinary playlist

by MommaDE



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Kink Negotiation, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Songfic, Spanking, Zoeys Extraordinary Playlist inspired me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22883710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MommaDE/pseuds/MommaDE
Summary: When Peter starts hearing "heart songs," he is convinced he has lost his mind. My world has no Thanos because I prefer everyone alive and happy.Deadpool seems to be the only one not singing to Peter, what's a spider gotta do to find out if Wade likes him or is he just being a flirty 'merc with a mouth.'Going to try to keep it down to PG-13 but Wade is too naughty to contain sometimes.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 49
Kudos: 120





	1. Without you I'm Happy to Slow Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pater is 22, Wade is 30.

The first time it happens, Spider-Man is perched on an office building near Fredrick's Funeral Services. A small woman, dressed in black from head to toe, steps from the building. She is almost invisible as her family and friends press close, offering consoling touches and mummers.

Bowing his head in an unconscious show of respect for her loss, the friendly neighborhood spider goes to start his patrol.

"How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you what kind of life would that be?" a thin reedy voice starts to sing. Peter's head whips back and the young woman is looking at him or perhaps through him. Her eyes are full of unshed tears, nose reddened from tissues rather than the cold, but for a moment she seems to stand just a bit taller. Time slows around her and music joins her heartbroken questions:

"How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?"

Then it all stops, her head bows and shoulders slump in desolation again. She is bustled into the limo, strangely no one around her pauses in surprise, admiration, or sympathy for her heart rending delivery. A shiver runs up Peter's spine, not quite like his spidey sense, and he shakes his head in denial of something. The city seems quieter now that the music ended. Peter feels confusion overwhelming his prior sadness. 

"Karen, what was that?" He asks, expecting his AI to provide information on the song but not surprised by Karen's voice in his ear, _"it appears to be the funeral visitation for Robert Bennett Wilson, 27 years old, cause of death was a single car fatality this Sunday at 1:32 am, lost control outside of city a likely combination of winter conditions and the late hour, survived by wife Alice Johnson Wilson and brother Thomas…"_

"Right, but the song the woman, Alice, sang was familiar, can you search for it?" Peter interrupts the recitation of Robert's information, knowing that Karen would likely begin to identify every member of the group until she was certain he knew everything but what he was trying to figure out. _"Peter, no one was singing."_

_Oh shit, I'm going crazy._ "Right, nevermind, just my imagination."

" _Peter, should I contact Mr Stark? Perhaps you are having a negative reaction to last night's battle with Electro?_ "

"Just an earworm Karen, a song stuck in my head. " The desperation in his voice was almost alarming but the fact was, Peter was still desperate to be respected. An unstable or even crazy superhero would never keep Iron man's respect.

Patrol went on as usual. Peter swung through his city, stopping a purse snatcher and a couple of graffiti artists. At the end of the night he called his check-in report to Happy and if he watched the music video "How do I live" by Leanne Rymes, it didn't mean anything.

* * *

The second time it happens Peter is late meeting Aunt May for breakfast Saturday morning.

Walking along the the sidewalk Peter tries to look like everyone else in New York; bored, jaded, and just focused on the next stop. He's so focused on not looking at everyone, he almost gets mowed down by a tall man in a suit with a yellow scarf. He looks a bit older and much less jaded than Peter, his smile is quickly returned by the pedestrians. He's yelling into his phone, "I got the job!"

He starts clapping and dancing. Directly in front of Peter. Peter isn't sure how, but the rest of NYC seems to be bustling around this guy with no problem. Peter though is unable to push past. 

"Cause I'm happy," yellow scarf guy yells as music thrums around him. A female runs towards him and throws herself into his arms and somehow the song. 

"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof," she adds while copying yellow scarf's Pharrell Williams' dance moves.

"Now I'm running late," Peter gripes to no one, as the song stops and couple slips to the side to continue their celebration with hugs and squeals.

Once in the diner Peter finds Aunt May easily enough. 

"Peter, you are too thin. I know grad school and working for Mr Stark keeps you busy but you have to eat more!"

"I'm fine, really Aunt May. My hours at SI are low during the semester, I stopped auditing extra classes, and I am definitely eating two or three meals a day now!" Peter rushes to defend not only Mr Stark but also his current level of adulting. 

"Oh Peter," Aunt May smiles warmly, but the lines around her eyes show she doesn't quite believe her 22 year old adult nephew isn't still a 10 year old boy.

Peter isn't certain what was on the jukebox before but the volume increases suddenly. Eyes widening Peter glances at Aunt May, surely she can tell him if he's lost his mind. A new song starts and Aunt May seems to know it because she starts to sing it to him.

"Slow down

Won’t you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it’s all too fast

Let’s make it last a little while"

"Aunt May, tell me this isn't a joke?" Peter both questions and begs as the song ends and his aunt simply picks up her coffee as though nothing happened.

"I'm sorry dear, what did you say about a joke?" Her expression doesn't change and Peter is left shaking his head in apology. 

"Nevermind, tell me about Gloria and Shelia. Are they still fueding." 

"Oh those two will never stop!" Aunt May dutifully launches into the latest installment of neighborhood gossip and drama. Peter feigns interest as he attempts to keep May Parker from circling back to the fact that Peter isn't getting out enough.

"Goodness, Peter, why did you let me keep going? I was supposed to ask you all about that Allie girl, a lab partner. Oh well, call me next weekend and tell me everything!" Aunt May exclaims as she brushes a kiss on Peter's cheek and tisks over his startled, "But she's just a lab partner!"

After she leaves he pulls a phone out and starts a spreadsheet. 

"How do I live without you" / Alice widow / 19:45 / 8 March 2023

"Happy" / stranger with new job? And girlfriend? / 08:03 / 11 March 2023

After a google search he finds the song May sang and adds it.

"Slow down" / May Parker / 08:41 / 11 March 2023

The waitress offers a refill of his coffee to go. The politest form of get the fuck out, sheepishly Peter accepts and tosses an extra couple dollars on the tip pile May left. 

The trip to his studio apartment is uneventful. "More sleep, May is right, I'm stretching myself again. I'll sleep now and after start patrol, maybe Wade can give me advice, he said he'd be back this weekend."

Can't be worse than asking WebMD. The site would lead Peter to think everything is a symptom of cancer or some other deadly disease. Surely his crazy friend would have less terrifying ideas?


	2. Lets talk about it

That night Peter stands on the roof across from Fredrick's Funeral Services, he turns his back to the building and tries to focus on the moon instead.  _ How would I live without you?  _ The memory from earlier that week haunting him. He half hums the melody while running through plans of approach.

A quiet sound of breathing joins him, Spider-Man bumps Deadpool with his shoulder a silent greeting in which he never turns his head, "Wade, when did you realize you weren't sane? Not that it's a bad thing but I'm hearing singing that's not actually happening and it's not voices really cause I see the singers. And the singers are there. I'm pretty sure I'm not seeing things cause other people seem to see them not them singing but them but it's not  _ normal _ but what is normal anyway…I'm sorry, forget it."

There was a long and heavy silence. Peter felt his cheeks flushing redder, the pit in his stomach growing. He knew it, there was no way Wade would not take things wrong.  _ Oh god, I called him crazy. There's no way he doesn't hate me. _

_ " _ Shh, White I'm thinking here. No Yellow, he's not hearing you sing 'Let's talk about sex'. Not sure, I'll ask." The soto voice Deadpool uses is only slightly quieter than when he turns to Peter. "Yellow wants to know what we are singing; White is wondering if you really want to know  _ how you will go on without us _ cause we only were gone for a week Spider baby; and I'm pretty sure it was when I got the two of them that I realized I hadn't been sane for a while."

_ He heard me singing! Fuck, how do I explain… wait what?  _ Peter is distracted from his freakout by Wade pulling a pad and pencil from his magic pocket then in a fluid motion turning to sit on a ledge. The merc with a mouth beams through his mask as he gestures at the rest of the ledge. 

"Come chill on Doctor Deadpool's couch. Get comfy, pants are optional. Tell me everything, anything, and leave out none of your sexy kinks, fantasies and naughty thoughts, please!" 

"Doctor Deadpool? Pretty sure you can't sleep with a patient." Peter falls easily into the flirty, silly moment. The pit in his stomach gone as he realizes that Wade was still his  _ something. _

"I quit!" Doctor Deadpool tosses the pad over the edge, a thwip later the pad is in his face sticky webbing from attaching it to the side of his head but Peter is sitting on the ledge. "Right, right. No littering"

"So it's only happened three times. Two strangers and one was a… person... I was meeting. Not a date though." The hesitation to bring up Aunt May brought up feelings of guilt as well as an urge to protect, defend. Peter pushes the feelings down and relays the 'facts' of his breakdown. 

"What about me?" Deadpool seems almost offended to not be part of the crazy train. "I'll take requests! Baby got back? Some Salt N Peppa? Yellow's still singing 'Let's talk about sex,' so could totally do that." Peter ponders if the last bit was an invite to talk about sex or just to hear the song.

"Look, I think I just need more sleep," Peter tips his head to the side. "Mind running through patrol without me?" Wade's brow furrows as he nods, Peter feels like he's forgetting something but he smilesat the easy acceptance. 

"You sure baby boy? Doc DP is recommending orgasms for stress relief, improved rest, and keeping down doctor's bills?" Deadpool's hip thrust, light tone, and wiggly eyebrows make Peter laugh rather than turn into a stammering 13 year old boy in a girls sexED class.

"Let's meet up by the taco truck tomorrow, I'll buy?" Peter's voice drops as he steps into Wade's bubble, he blames the impending loss of sanity on the kiss he presses to Deadpool's masked cheek. "Thanks, I'll be sure to follow my doctor's orders."

The momentary short circuit of Wade's brain gives Spider-Man the time he needs to backflip off the ledge and swing away.

When he hears a yelled out 

"Let's talk about sex, baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about all the good things"

With no music, Spider-Man rolls his eyes and assumes Yellow was finally getting its way. 

Peter follows his  _ doctor's _ orders and finishes a report due next week. Seeing May, Wade and being caught up on school work makes the grad student realize he may have been getting overstressed. He smiles as he realizes he'd see Wade tomorrow, nothing less than missing limbs kept the merc from free tacos.

A few hours later, Peter realizes he just asked  _ Deadpool _ to patrol without emphasizing no killing or permanent maiming. He groans and prays the mess isn't too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets talk about Sex by Salt N Peppa


	3. Sunshine can hurt so shove it

Even in a bustling city, Sunday mornings and afternoons are a bit more peaceful. Diehard partiers are going to bed with the sun rise, grumpy not 'morning people' tend to be soundly sleeping till a decent hour, those heading to jobs are gone quickly enough, and those running errands seem a bit less rushed.

Normally Spider-Man follows the schedule of the diehards and does not plan to awaken till noon at the earliest. Unless he's injured and ends up sleeping the whole day away or over working and doesn't sleep till Sunday night. The early night in and extra rest leads to him being awake and restless. A quick check with his phone shows no mention in the news of major damage to his city. 

"Thank you god," it was a good sign that Deadpool hadn't decided to go on an 'un-aliving' rampage. Maybe it was good that Spider-Man hadn't reinforced no killing or maiming. No messages from the Avengers solidified the likelihood that nothing was being covered up.

Aunt May wasn't wrong when she was worried over his ability to 'adult.' Peter also wasn't lying when he said he was doing better. Mr Stark increased his pay so another job was no longer needed and he could afford to pay for heat, water, and enough food to satisfy his super metabolism. Looking at his empty fridge though made Peter wonder how the older woman knew him so well.

"Arg… now I have to go shopping," a muffled curse was heard as Peter realized he was almost out of clothes too. "Laundry and groceries, is it too late to not grow up?" 

Peter is not a morning person but he recognizes the benefits of wandering through his city alongside the more cheerful morning people. Fewer people on the side walks, fewer spidey senses to filter through as the hoards brush past him.

Then he is serenaded by twenty pedestrians singing 'Walking on Sunshine,' the dancing is so choreographed he thinks they must be a Flash mob. It's only after some chattering teens, tourists from the way they are photographing everything, pass by the spectacle without pause that he realizes he's the only one watching.

The song ends on flourish filled upbeat and the singers all wander off. Peter collapses on the first bench he comes to, a nearby bus stop. Mostly empty. The older woman there is dressed in her Sunday best, a blue full length coat with matching hat, shoes and purse all of it carefully kept but showing its age. Her grey hair is perfectly curled and she looks like she's sat here every Sunday for the past 50 years. She eyes him quickly, presses her purse a touch closer, obviously classing him as a diehard partier or some kind of lost youth not attending church.

As he sits there, both ignoring the other, trying to regain the sense that things were okay. Deadpool probably did a good job patrolling, he slept a whole night, he gets to see Wade tonight, only thought about the flirty merc a little (or maybe the entire time) he showered last night, not to mention caught up on work for his graduate class, and was about to be a responsible adult! So why was he still feeling like he was going crazy. What was the source of the auditory hallucinations? Was he still stressed?

He dutifully pulls his spreadsheet up, adds the event and marks its location. As he looks up from his phone the old lady is inches from him. She interrupts his reactions as music joins her song:

"I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything"

_ Oh shit! What was that! _ Was all Peter could think as he ran to and entered the store.  _ Okay that was creepy what song was it anyway. Crap gotta put it in my phone. Is it getting worse? _

Fifteen minutes later a child singing ABCs to her smiling mother causes him to jump out of his skin. The stocker mumbling along to the overhead music makes Peter's heart rate skyrocket. 

He's checking out when his cashier, Mary, is told she needs to close tonight because John called out. Her eyes narrow slightly, because obviously she won't get a say. Peter completely understands it when the music starts. _ Here it comes _ he thinks to himself as she storms into the managers personal bubble.

'Take this job and shove it

I ain't workin' here no more

My woman done left and took all the reasons

I was working for

Ya better not try to stand in my way

As I'm walkin' out the door

Take this job and shove it

I ain't workin' here no more.'

As though in a dream she puts her apron on and returns to Peter with the classic 'customer service smile.' The manger goes from freaking out about losing a reliable employee (and having to close the store himself) to his normal expression of pleasant asshole.

"That'll be $43.56," her cheery tone so fake that Peter stops his internal freakout to give her his customer service smile. He had after all dealt with Jameson and all those part time bosses who demanded instead of asked.

"Hope you can tell him to shove it soon," he mummers to her surprise. She smiles for real and actually thanks Peter for shopping.

The laundromat was far too crowded so Peter resigned himself to the fact that he was at least halfway to being responsible. If the idea of being in public and having more musical incidents makes his skin crawl plays a part in this, so be it.

A late lunch of PB&J and getting a start on the next week's work made him feel less adult and more like teenage Peter. The butterflies in his stomach were totally because he was afraid of the crazy inflicting him.  _ Yep, not about the not-a-date with Deadpool. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurt Johnny Cash  
> Take this Job and shove it Johnny Paycheck
> 
> Thinking I may change the format so almost everything is flashbacks that Peter is telling Wade about. It'll increase the amount of Spideypool. Let me know.
> 
> Also, I've been trying to keep my music selections varied and not just my faves. I'm heading into Disney for some villainous songs if I get nothing better.


	4. Hey baby, call me maybe?

Peter landed behind the busiest taco truck in town. It's rating as second best by the masked superheroes was the not the lower quality of food but the number of New Yorkers who flocked to it.

Fortunately, Peter and Wade had an in, they had saved the owner a few times. A quick text order for two Deadpool specials an hour ago and now all Spider-Man had to do was trade a few hundreds for two party sized bags of delicious taco goodness. Instead of standing in the line he knocked on the side door.

Most nights the two would meet up, place the order and the pick up after a quick patrol. Of course Wade _always_ paid, at first because Peter couldn't and then it became a game. Spider-Man and Deadpool would race to the truck ready to hurl money as soon as the door opened. Wade played dirty and somehow always won.

He should be able to get there before Deadpool, Peter thought in triumph. The sound of the singing almost causes the large bags of tacos fall from his hand. 

"Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey

Girls Say, Girls Say,

Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey

Hey Baby Baby

Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey

Boys Say, Boys Say

Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey

All the pools get the spidey for dinner!"

He doesn't stick the landing as well as usual. Wade's change of the final line ends with a flourishing bow. Deadpool laughs and waves excitedly.

"Oh.em.gee., you got the tacos early! Dirty cheater!" Wade crows eagerly but grabs his bag. "So did you like my show? We all agree that it's totally not fair that we didn't serenade you yesterday."

"You're an ass," says Peter, he sits cross legged and tugs the bottom of his mask up. Redirecting works best with handling the manic merc. "Thanks for covering last night. Slow night?"

"No probs baby boy, always wanna cover you! No White, totally said it right," Peter pinked a little as he politely ignored the internal dialogue of his crazy friend. "Anywho, totally willing to cover for you in fact, catch."

A red burner phone was tossed at Spider-Man's head the, "what the…" exclamation is interrupted by, "It's the Dead signal, DP siggie, Pooh sig, no wait we agreed on Pool finder."

As he rambled, he bounced closer to his masked spider hero. The merc's face was half covered, exposed enough to chomp tacos between breaths.

"So next time you need a break, a taco, some help fighting or sleeping…" his smirk was the only warning Peter got before Wade drops to his knees and cries out:

"And this is crazy

But here's my number

So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right

At you baby

But here's my number

So call me, maybe?"

_Ok Peter focus on his actions, not his words. He covered your patrol, suggested you rest, and just gave you a way to call him in the future. See, in the phone, one contact… wait a sec._ "Wade, did you name yourself Dr. Daddypool Bootycall in here?" 

"Yeppers, and you can call me anytime Mr Spider Booty. So, did you follow doctor's orders? Such a pretty blush, baby boy! So happy I could lend a hand, wish I could've done more. Shh…. No chance, got it. Fuck off Yellow."

"Okay, Doc DP," Peter laughs at the absurdity, he's going crazy and the only thing making him feel sane is the increasingly crazy antics of a man written off as too crazy by the rest of the world. Listing his day off on his fingers helped, "followed doctor's orders, got a good night sleep, and then was the only witness to a twenty person Walking on Sunshine flash mob, a creepy Johnny Cash version of 'Hurt' by a prim church going granny, and my cashier at the shops told her boss to shove it in song form but after kept working while he acted as though it never happened." Deadpool's squeal of excitement at the first item shifted into quiet Deadpool mode as the story progresses.

"Damn baby boy, I was sure an orgasm could fix it. No Yellow, we don't need to make sure he did it right." A deep silence broken only by chewing and swallowing sounds fell on the two. "Old churchy lady singing one of the darkest songs known, heavy stuff."

Spider-Man took a few extra breaths to steady himself; he knew Yellow was in lust with him, White seemed to like (maybe love) arachnid heros, but Wade always kept things physically friendly and verbally filthy and flirty. 

Of course, he was that way with all the supers from what Peter saw in team ups. He grabbed Cap's butt, volunteered to be the Widow's next snack moments after she took a man down with her thighs, and heck he once bragged about his ability to deep throat while asking Dr Banner for a one night stand with the Hulk. The image of the calm doctor choking on his tea, face as red as a tomato will forever live in Peter's memory of funniest thing ever. The way his blood ran hot with jealousy was not important.

_He flirts with everyone but he spends time with me!_ The grad student slash hero was oddly happy that none of the Avengers seemed to tolerate or like Deadpool. Wade declared Spidey the best hero and second best ass, listened to Peter more than anyone else, and was his best friend in the super world.

"So Spidey, you do science right? There's that razor thingie, anyway. So I'm thinking, could someone be messing with you? You know making you the Paula Anton, Gaslight style? Only one person you know has done it, right?"

"She'd never make me think I'm crazy Wade." Peter misses the way Wade freezes and doesn't see his eyes narrow under the mask.

"Webs the movie is about a husband… being your girlfriend doesn't make her innocent." The merc stalks to the roof edge trying to not let Spider-Man hear his rating, "course he has a girlfriend, shove it White, he has terrible taste he lets us call him friend… No Yellow, just no…" 

"Deadpool, she's not my girlfriend, gah no, so gross." Peter raises his voice to try to stop the dark spiral of internal monologue before it really starts.

"Awwww, baby boy thinks girls are icky?" Suddenly all seems right in the world of Wade Wilson.

"Wade, drop it, she's family. Besides the first time was recorded on my suit. No one was singing, no paid actors or other gaslighting plots to explain this shit. Either I'm organically crazy or something is affecting only my brain…"

"So magic, crazy, brain issue or you've tapped into some musical cosmic force." Wade declares as though none of the four are worse than someone fucking with Peter in a normal way. Then he said something that made Peter's heart stop, "Thank god, I was worried someone knew who Spidey was and was going after him in civvies."

The merc was crazy… crazy brilliant. Spider-Man was so convinced he was crazy he didn't even consider the chances that a member of his hall of baddies had found Peter Parker. So the phone was so he could reach Wade outside of patrol windows… 

_How does no one see how great he is? And does this mean he just was worried about a friend, and not trying to get romantic._

"So brain, no changes in my stats according to K- the suit," avoid saying Karen, avoid her sending concerns to Tony, "Can get a checkup in my civvies, just to confirm."

A red and black glove shoots into the air, "Magic and mystic means the asshole Doc Strange."

"Right, so you happen to have any idea how to do that?" Peter was trying to figure out who to ask without revealing his potential craziness.

"I'll text you a number, he's still pissed about my last 50 or so prank calls."

"50?" Deadpool is unapologetically ridiculous thinks Peter as the childish man shrugs.

"Was bored without my little arachnid. Last week was alllllllll surveillance. Remembered I had his number Thursday, he wasn't as amused as you."

"Next time you can text me, Wade. I may not respond during the day, but I'll try." The hug the merc gives Spidey can only be described as a glomp. Peter stands with Deadpool on his back, shift his balance he webs the trash up. Patrol time.

"This is why you are the bestest! Don't worry my little spider, we'll get back you all normal levels of crazy" He whips his head around, "duh, he's a _friend_ of course he's a little crazy."

"So what did I miss last night?" Peter remembers to ask, as he dives off the building throwing webs out to swing the two through the air.

A tarzan yell is Wade's response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me maybe Carly Rae Jepsen  
> Wanna be my lover Spice Girls


	5. Being a friend

As the two patrolled the worst parts of NYC, they fell into an easy rhythm. Silence while Spider-Man uses his hearing to check an area. Chatter as they moved to stop a crime or offer assistance. 

Dropping from a roof behind a purse snatcher. Webs wrapped around his ankles to keep him from running. Deadpool grabs the purse and kindly keeps the little brat from face planting with his other hand. 

"So I scared the purse snatcher soooo bad last night, he was totally ready for it though. Wore his brown pants and all." Peter was nodding along with the story as he picked the personal, but valueless items from the ground.

"Great, mind tossing that purse over? I think I hear it's owner across the street." Spider-Man caught the purse, then stood focused on Wade just waiting for the punchline. There was always a punchline.

"When the cops loaded him in the car Yellow and I joked that he really 'shat' in it. Hey can I scare this one while you're gone? He's got a red shirt on!" A tiny whimper came from the wanna be criminal and a certain smell that could only mean...

"Pretty sure he just pissed himself, so ready to go?" Peter laughed as they brought the kid and purse from the alley to the sidewalk. 

Slinking back into the shadows, Wade looked at Peter. The normally unapologetically ruthless merc suddenly looked like a puppy about to be scolded, "I think I screwed up last night."

_ Oh no! It's all my fault. He wasn't ready to do this alone!  _ "Tell me what happened?" Asked Spider-Man softly, afraid to jump to conclusions while his brain dove off the deep end.

"He was attacking her, knocked him out nice and gentle. The whole what-would-spidey-do, wwsd. I did the whole call cops and reminded the woman to stick around for the police report. She declined, because the dickwad is her boss."

Spider-Man pondered how many pieces the 'dickwad' was in now. He muttered an empathetic, "Shit."

"So thought out of the box and gave her a coupon for a Deadpool special, one free beat down or castration. Then I stole his wallet, cracked his ribs, may have crushed his knee cap, and told her to report they were mugged and if he tried shit again… she had my coupon."

Peter blinked and took a breath… Then he took another deep breath and laughed, "Wade, is Dickwad still alive?"

"Yes, checked his social media. Thinking he may need some extra Deadpool love to keep him on the straight and narrow." Somber Deadpool was rapidly returning to normal.

"Knee cap was probably a bit further than I'd have taken it but you did good." 

"Noooooo, say it!" Deadpool demands sulkily.

"That'll do pool, that'll do." Peter dutifully says, his eyes rolling.

"Oh em gee. I thought you'd forget." And Deadpool was back.

"Let's go, two more spots, and before you ask, no one singing."

One glompy hug later, Deadpool and Spider-Man swing a few blocks further, "Hey Webs, this is my crazy." With that the he began singing:

'Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down a road and back again

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant!'

Peter had been friends with Wade long enough to know this song, he joins in on the chorus:

'Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend."

If Spider-Man took a longer route to the next block, it was only because he loved swinging through the sky. Singing the Golden Girls' theme song definitely wasn't the reason. They were near a bridge and some of the best views of the city. 

Almost as though every great night must be bittersweet, Peter hears the start of a song. He and Deadpool were in a quiet moment, Spider-Man doing his listening for trouble. On the fire escape beneath them are two teens.

"Deadpool, it's happening."

There is no response, from Wade, to his announcement, as one girl sings to her girlfriend:

'I think we're alone now

There doesn't seem to be anyone around

I think we're alone now

The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Look at the way

We gotta hide what we're doin'

'Cause what would they say

If they ever knew?'

As the music ends, an excited, "what's happening, where, oh oh is it me?"

"Lovers on the escape, 'Think we're alone now,' and it's over already."

"Great so it's time altering, you should be okay during a solo fight. Are you moving, if not can you? Need more tests to be sure. Hmmm… naughty forbidden love! Should we peak?" Peter shook his head no. "Should we break them up and be killjoys?" Another head shake, "I totally agree, that'd be WWCD. Captain Killjoy."

"Let's check the bridge, let them be alone now." They both snort quietly and go over to the bridge.

No suicides tonight, "cause this is already sooo much darker than the writer planned." Spider-Man is informed by his friendly neighborhood merc.

The final stop is over where a bunch of clubs are declaring last call. Peter likes to make sure the drunken revelers are safe to get home. Usually just breaking up the occasional end of night tussles, making sure the bachelorette parties get to their limos without getting mugged, etc…

Tonight one bachelorette party is loudly protesting, pleading for one more drink. "Wade, happening again."

This time it's every single member of the seven loud females, singing and dancing to 'Girls just wanna have fun.' Something new happens the bouncers and staff at the bar break into song as well,

'Closing time

Time for you to go back to the places you will be from.

Closing time

This room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters come.

So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits

I hope you have found a

Friend.'

"Not very deep choices tonight huh?" Two muggings stopped, a short fight Deadpool stopped by diving between the men and offering to ref the fight, and then an amused pair enjoy watching the women grumply climb into their limo.

"Well Spidey, team red rocked again. Text ya later."

"Speaking of team red, Daredevil should be in Hells Kitchen again… try to not step on his toes too much." 

"Double D! He's like the teen brother we never wanted but gotta keep!" A few excited bounces, "Let's bring him a welcome back cake and see if he sings to you."

"Dunno, he gets stabby around you. But maybe?"

Peter hates when Deadpool is around the other supers. It irritates him how they dismiss him because he can be a bit crazy. His fears of being crazy were rooted in the not unfounded fear he'd be treated like Deadpool.

Peter can't help but listen to Deadpool as he webs his way to the rooftops. "Hate to see him leave..." a half mumbled phrase Peter finishes easily ' _ love to watch him go' _ . Louder Deadpool announces, "Alright Yellow, here goes:

'But he can shake it, shake it, like he's supposed to do

'Cause he got that boom boom that all the boys chase

And all the right junk in all the right places'

Because you know I'm all about that bass

'Bout that bass, no treble

I'm all about that bass

'Bout that bass, no treble

I'm all about that bass

'Bout that bass, no treble

I'm all about that bass

'Bout that bass... bass... bass... bass"

Laughing, Peter listens to the song till he's too far away. Trust Deadpool to make feeling crazy fun.

What to do about the phone? Nowhere near home, he stops to look closer. It's a basic throw away with a red cover. Taking the cover off he sees the words "Team Red" scrawled on the inside. 

Karen is activated and Peter plugs her into the phone, confirming it was indeed not trackable. The only app on the phone was a message app that Peter himself favored. It was as secure as could be without Tony's resources.

Cracking the phone open voided its warranty but confirmed nothing that was not factory original was in it. Spider-Man was embarrassed, he trusted Deadpool with his life, city, and apparently sanity but not with Aunt May. He knew the merc would be unoffended, yet Peter was offended on Wade's behalf.

_ Everyone I get close to dies except Aunt May. It's not like I'm happy Mr Stark knows and Wade doesn't. Oh shit! Mr Stark. Need to report. _

_ " _ Took Saturday night off, Deadpool covered and did great. Patrol was quiet last night. Just a few muggings, a bar fight, and some indecent exposure." The quick phone call was much shorter than the normal drawn out 20 minute minimum reports where Spider-Man sounded more like an over eager puppy (or Deadpool).

Now certain the phone gift was safe, Spider-Man went home to be Peter. Out of his costume, the student filled out his spreadsheet and started a new list. The title Wade's Playlist and each song catalogued. 

The "Team Red" phone vibrates. Dr Bootycall has sent a text with a number and a range of times. Likely Dr Strange's phone number and probably the times he's more likely to help the arachnid. Peter responds with a 'Thanks' and then sends a sleeping emoji.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being a friend - Andrew Gold  
> I think we're alone now - Tiffany  
> Girls Just wanna have fun - Cyndi Lauper  
> Closing Time - Semisonic  
> All about that bass - Meghan Trainor


	6. Off to see the Wizard about My wish

Six hours later saw Peter at the Suds and Swirl. He desperately needed clean clothes and had just enough time to wash and dry three loads simultaneously. He wasn't alone everyone was spread out. Listening to music, fiddling with phones, everyone was in their own little world.

"Wish I had time for coffee," a few coins later and an almost cold soda falls from the vending machine.

"Caffeine thy name is mine!" eating the banana and muffin he bought yesterday, he picked his red phone up. The message on the phone was from moments after Peter fell asleep.

Dr. Bootycall:

"Sleep well, oo" 

Double Oh? A ball joke? Was he trying to say hug-hug instead of xoxo? Or was he doing some sort of double oh seven joke? Peter changed the contact to Wade, Dr Bootycall would be bad if he checks his phone in public.

"I did, hope you did too. Calling in a few minutes during office hours."

The phone call was brief:

"Dr Strange, this is…"

"Spider-Man, yes. Expecting your call. Come to 177A Bleeker St. at 7:30 and tell your pet mercenary to lose this number."

"He's not…." The click of an ended phone call. "My pet!"

Prickly bastard must really be pissed at Wade. Speaking of which, there on the screen was a string of texts. "Oh my god, he's still going!"

Wade:

"Let me know if he's an ass."

"Did he answer the phone, told the fucker to expect you."

"Whatever he says I did… I didn't do it."

"Damn it, can't lie to you, I probably did do it."

"But I'm sure you woulda laughed."

"Want me to come with, should be safe but magic is crazy."

"Crazier than me."

"Can't stand the wait."

"I'm calling him if you don't respond."

Peter:

"Stop" Peter rushes to send something before the number of texts double.

"Was a 20 second successfully completed call. Just spent 30 seconds reading the texts."

Wade's next text came at the same time as Peter's response to the text dump:

"Okay, I'll stop. Sorry was spiraling. Won't bother you again." 

"Did he mention me?"

Peter:

"Maybe. I think he wants you to stop calling."

"You weren't bothering me. Just needed to be able to respond."

Wade:

"Ehhh, think I should."

Peter laughs and shakes his head. Who was he to order Deadpool to stop pranking a powerful mystic order leader. 

Peter:

"WWSD, stop because he's helping a friend. But WWSD, never tell a friend to stop having harmless fun."

Wade:

"Favorite superfriend ever. We'll stop IF he helps."

Peter:

"May have to skip tonight, Dr appt is at 7:30pm. Maybe you can hit the docks for a bit then meet for some pie."

"Unless you have plans. No pressure."

"Wouldn't mind you at the appointment, not sure he would be as helpful."

It's Peter's turn for a text dump. 

Wade:

String of 8 pizza emojis

"Pizza date! Text when you finish"

Peter:

"No pineapple or anchovies."

Wade:

"But sweet and salty."

Cry face emoji

Peter:

"I'll bring donuts."

Wade:

"Deal. You bring the sweet, I'll bring the salty. *winky face* "

Pizza emoji + donut emoji = heart emoji

"Why would he type winky face," Peter blushed and was startled by a washer turning off. Swapping the laundry was a quick endeavor. 

Peter:

"Doing laundry, adulting sucks. #RIPToysRUs"

Wade:

"Oohhh so responsible."

Peter:

"Going to ignore you a bit while at work. Will you be okay?"

Wade:

Music notes emoji "He works hard for the money."

"Sure day drinking with Weasel. He says you have terrible taste"

Peter:

"Why, cause I don't eat pineapple and olive pizza?"

Wade:

"Cause you tolerate me."

Peter:

"He's a fucking prick. I don't tolerate you, I like having you around"

Peter's great morning is soured by the reminder that Wade's friends are as terrible as the Superhero 'community.' 

Wade:

"My favorite"

The following blast of emoji hearts, kisses, tacos, unicorns and carousel horses makes Peter blush.

Peter:

"Going to my boring person phone, check in with some projects."

Wade:

"Like your Team Red cover? White thought red and black sequins were not covert enough."

Peter:

"It's perfect, I like being able just chat. The sequins would have been amazing, but hard to keep out at work."

White was Peter's favorite for a moment as he considered a Yellow designed cover. Probably a penis image crafted with the red and black sequins. Boring phone, right. 

"Mr Stark is holding a mandatory employee meeting this afternoon," Peter read the memo marked important. Sent Sunday night at 8pm. It was at 3pm, Peter was due in by 1pm so he'd be expected to attend. With Mr Stark in town he'd probably be summoned for mandatory mentor, mentee bonding time. He'd be excited if he wasn't worried about Iron man thinking he was crazy.

"The shit starts piling on now," he sighs. A large part of him wonders if he should give up school and SI. He could talk to Wade about career changing maybe security? He won't of course but the sense that shit was coming ran up his spine.

___________

Entering Stark industries was always like entering a beehive. His ears picked up on so many people at once that it soon became a constant buzz. Today's buzz was easily twice as loud. The words Stark or Tony in almost every sentence.

The last minute memo had apparently ruined today's productivity. The lowly intern smiled at security and nodded when told to be ready for the meeting.

Boring phone vibrated with a message from Karen to meet S. Karen meant Spider-Man was being summoned.  _ And it starts. _

The buzz stops, music starts. The nosey, excited, nervous energy shifts to the performance of a lifetime. The sheer number of Stark employees linking arms and skipping down unseen yellow brick roads.

'We're off to see the Wizard,

The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was.

If ever, oh ever a Wiz there was,

The Wizard of Oz is one becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz,

Becoz of the wonderful things he does.

We're off to see the Wizard,

The wonderful Wizard of Oz.'

_ Damn, Wade would have loved to see that.  _ Strange how thinking of Deadpool made it feel less crazy. 

Peter Parker is supposed to rid the central elevator to the intern floor then hope over to the senior intern private labs. Spider-Man in civvies rides the elevator while Friday works her AI magic. 

Red phone out. A glance showed a screen full of emoji joy. With an amused smile and then Peter sent a quick text, "100 plus employees singing they were off to see the Wizard while heading to a department meeting."

Wade:

"O.o can I borrow your crazy? So much funnier than White and Yellow."

Ten minutes later the elevator shuts and Friday says, "security feed is cut. Good afternoon Spider-Man, please let me know when you are ready to proceed."

Quick costume change later, the vent opens and Peter stashes his clothes and laptop bag, now he's fully Spider-Man and ready to meet Iron man and whichever Super had joined him for the meeting.

The elevator opened and Spider-Man crossed to the private elevator that only worked for Avenger business.

"Spider-Man, glad you can make it."  _ Captain killjoy himself, err America. _ Damnit Wade's joke was going to get him in trouble and Peter was going to enjoy telling Deadpool all about it.

"Hi Captain. Heard you wanted me to  _ swing _ by, so here I am."  _ There, very WWSD. Now just keep my mouth shut and see what big cluster fuck is about to happen.  _

Tony was ignoring both of them while texting furiously. An awkward silence fell, Tony glanced up. "Right, so hey Spidey. Let's get to business hmm?"

Captain Rogers raises his eyebrow. It's obvious this was some Tony based business. After another pause Mr Stark looks at Spider-Man with his 'disappointed' frown, "So first, what's this about Deadpool covering patrols?" 

Peter bristles under the blunt disapproval. He was being summoned to the principal's office. _ Not this shit again. _

"What do you mean? I told you he asked me to help him become a hero. You said he wouldn't last a week. I told you that it was up to him not you. He stopped killing and has done everything I asked of him. I thought he was ready to go solo patrol and he did a good job."

"He's a mercenary! He's an unhinged killer…" Spider-Man is so past done with everyone acting holier than Wade.

"Black Widow, Hawk eye, Winter soldier." Low blows but when fighting dirty, be aggressive.

Captain America bristles, "Bucky was a tortured, brainwashed prisoner of war."  _ Shit forgot Bucky's defender was in the room. Well I can work with that. _

"I remember seeing Wade Winston Wilson was a vereran who was tortured by weapon x. It's just too bad his best friend wasn't Captain America. Maybe then everyone would believe he wants to do better." Captain America blanches at that and falls silent.

"He's annoying and doesn't take anything serious." Tony adds petulantly.

_ Ohhhh, list time again.  _ "Hawkeye, Bucky, you and me!"

Captain snorts at that, "He's got you there Iron Man."

"Fine, I looked into his successfully completed patrol. How do YOU explain him crippling a lawyer and sending him to the hospital with broken ribs." Tony announced proudly, he obviously expected surprise and horror from Spider-Man.

"Dickwad rapist was a lawyer? Well no wonder she was afraid of pressing charges against her boss." Peter said to himself, then rallied to Wade's defense. "So you know what he really did? He protected a woman better than any of us could have."

"First he restrained a man attempting to rape a woman and called for police. Then found out she couldn't press charges because he is her boss. So he injured dickwad badly enough to buy her time and space. Today she can go into work without seeing her attempted rapist. Gave her cover from his revenge by making it seem like an ill timed mugging. Finally gave her a way to get help from Deadpool should dickwad attempt anything."  _ Won't mention that Wade is going to keep an eye on dickwad and likely will injure him further. _

Peter almost took a bow but he had to make this point first, "If it was me he'd not get arrested when she declined pressing charges. Then Monday morning he'd be there, ready to extract revenge on his employee." He was running out of breath as he challenged the two men, "What should he have done? And he was ready to take responsibility for going overboard."

"Okay, you win. Damn kid when did you become the grownup?" Tony blows a puff of breath out.

"Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers if that's all, I have things to do." Peter was riding high and not used to feeling like an equal amongst his fellow supers.

When music started, Peter was grateful for his mask. Tony looks at him full of pride and sings:

"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you)."

Captain America looked like a kicked puppy when faced with the fact that Deadpool's violent approach may have been better.

"Spidey wait, the Cap and I had another piece of business." 

"Yes, we want you to reconsider joining the Avengers. As the New York City senior lead."

The two men began breaking down an elaborate set up of Avengers based all over the world. Captain America would base himself at the New York compound but travel regularly to everywhere. 

Iron man would stay in the North East, covering the compound and main entry for new trainees, and running Stark Industries. All while raising his daughter with Pepper.

Spider-Man would focus on the city and lead 2 or 3 training graduates through their first year. A mentoring gig.

"Right, and now here's the part where I expose my friends and family by telling the world who I am?"

Captain took the lead on this bit, "it's about accountability, trusting the man behind the mask."

"And anything you need to make you-know-who safe."

Peter arched an eyebrow, "News flash, Voldemorte is dead." Time to get out of this with lists! "I'm still in school and have a job, when would I do this mentoring gig? Not enough hours in the day. Deadpool is brilliant at strategy. He needed help with restraint and adjusting his moral compass. Not hand holding."

Spider-Man took a deep breath, "so if you need me to I can record myself saying killing and maiming bad, I'm totally down with it. Though as hero grads I'd think they know that already."

"Kid, can you come talk more tonight?"  _ When Captain isn't here and I can pull a concerned dad figure guilt trip on you. Thanks but no thanks. _

"Sorry, have an appointment. Tomorrow morning?"  _ Or maybe never. _

Tony nods in agreement then starts rattling orders off to Friday while texting on his phone. Captain America asks Peter to think about joining a team. 

It was mandatory meeting time. Peter ducked into his lab and rushed to get  _ something  _ done before his meeting with Strange. He caught the highlights of the meeting from excited employees. Stark was refocusing on Stark industries and his daughter.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to see the Wizard Judy Garland
> 
> My wish Rascal Flats


	7. Learn to fly if you wannabe a friend like me

Peter stared at the red phone uneasily. It vibrates every few minutes as Wade shared everything from the pic of a fruity drink he'd bullied Weasel into making to an image of a cat with its head stuck in a box. The offer of a blowjob made Peter choke on his coffee. The added 'Weasel makes a great one' made Peter thump his head on this desk. 

"Stop being stupid, he's at a bar day drinking of course he's offering a drink." He muttered to himself. "Extra cream but only if you make it."

Of course he can't send  _ that _ . Not knowing he should be telling Wade that Tony Stark sang 'My Wish,' just a few hours ago. But how can he explain the Avenger least liked by Deadpool was almost a father figure for Peter.

Finally he settles on a phrasing:

"Just took a break, my mentor sang 'My wish' to me.

Super cute pics BTW. Any favorite donuts?"

Wade:

"Cream filled"

The emoji tongue following the statement made Peter flush red. 

Peter:

"Extra creamy, got it."

Wade:

"White says the author of this tomfoolery says we better wrap it up. Strange dude is waiting for you. Heading to the docks."

"Author, a third voice?" Peter shakes his head. At least this one seems more responsible. He'd wait to see before passing judgement.

Peter:

"I'm wrapping up and on the way to strange."

* * *

Dropping his intern clothes and boring person phone at home, Spider-Man takes his phone, a spare battery pack, and cash. He calls a favorite bakery and asks for two dozen donuts. Even split vanilla cream, strawberry, chocolate, and boston cream. He blushes as he asks for extra cream. The girl on the phone giggles but agrees.

Bleeker street was too far to walk, but by web he made it in record time. "Spider Airlines, the only way to fly."  _ Take that Western Airline commercial. _

The masked spider landed in front of a dilapidated building, "magically terrifying" he joked nervously. 

A butler, friend, servant answered his knock on the first thump of the antique knocker. Peter swore the man was laughing with his eyes as Spider-Man jumped out of his skin. The  _ whoever  _ he was maintained a somber air as he led Peter to a traditional study.

"So is this the point Casper drifts through, the haunted house motif is really going strong here." Peter suddenly felt an urge to be anywhere but here.

"No wonder the mouthy asshole likes you. You are as bad as he is aren't you," Dr. Strange said from behind Peter. 

"Eek!" Spider-Man would forever deny the not manly squeak that he let out at the appearance of the Sorcerer Supreme.  _ Should have worn my brown pants, almost shat myself right there. _ "Sorry sir, wasn't trying to be rude, just a little nervous. Not my pet be te dubs. Anyway, did Wade tell you anything?"

Peter described in depth the sensory based hallucinations. Provided details about each event. To Dr. Strange's dismissal that the young hero was stressed, he assured the doctor that he was far less stressed than he has been in years. "Almost low levels of stress really. Please just make sure it's not mystic or a tumor. Deadpool says if you actually help he'll stop calling. Unless you can't help?"

Dr. Strange snorts, he's certain he can easily diagnose anything. A former brain surgeon turned sorcerer supreme, this malady was almost written for him. (It really wasn't but whatever.)

When the music starts Peter can't help but snicker,

'Can your friends do this?

Do your friends do that?

Do your friends pull this out their little hat?

Can your friends go poof?

Well, looky here

Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip

And then make the sucker disappear?

So dontcha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed

I'm here to answer all your midday prayers

You got me bona fide, certified

You got a genie for your chargé d'affaires

I got a powerful urge to help you out

So what-cha wish?

I really want to know

You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt'

The Genie's performance in Aladdin was better, but having Steven Strange dancing around the room and flying with his mystic cape… Peter Parker decides the insanity may be worth it if he gets such great shows.

"Whatever are you laughing about?" Strange snaps. He sneers when Peter tells him. But he begins performing tests, pulls a few books. 

"Well, no spells and nothing physically wrong. What's odd is you have unusual levels of energy and appear very sensitive to fluctuations. If you were interested, you could join the order and in time become a sorcerer."

"So am I crazy or something else?" Peter really wanted to be sure.

"Most likely something else," the doctor's face screwed up in distaste, "probably a rudimentary form of aura reading combined with increased sensitivity from your powers. You are probably picking up on feelings, soul based universal energies… Now since you are just manifesting it is spontaneous, with time it'll either be commonplace or it'll be something you have to trigger."

"What about Deadpool? I have seen him more than anyone since it started, why wouldn't he have a heart song?" Strange looked ill as he pondered the question.

"Don't suppose you'd accept that it's because he has no soul?" Spider-Man shook his head, "well my best hypothesis is because shit goes weird around him. Brainwashing doesn't take, magic rarely lasts past death so anything cast on him does stick, and his body is in a flux that's hard for you to tune into. Can't imagine WHY you'd want to hear his song."

"Just curious, figured it was a matter of time. So not crazy and keep you updated?" Peter questions.

"Nope, lose my number. Either you are crazy or sensitive. If you want to train come back and it can be discussed with anyone else."

Leaving the gloomy haunted house was a relief for the officially probably-not-crazy arachnid. Wong apologized at the door for Peter's discomfort. Said sensitive people had a hard time with the repelling ward. 

Peter didn't bother looking through the 54 texts Wade sent starting at 8pm. 

Peter:

Strange sang 'Friend like me' and told me I'm probably not crazy. Just hippy dippy, hearing Heart songs and such.

Wade:

From Aladdin?!? Did he turn blue? Nvm tell me on our date.

Pizza on the way, fly carefully little bug.

Peter:

Not a bug. Picking donuts up now. Be at the roof in 10

Outside the bakery was a street packed with cars. Construction, an accident and the city itself had created a bit of a grid lock. The drivers and passengers looked miserable. It was easy to hear the grumbles and complaints about not getting anywhere from the street of stopped cars.

Spider-Man was mid swing when the music started. Surprised by the timing of the song, he dropped the bag of donuts. The entire song by the foo fighters as performed by New Yorkers leaning through their windows. 

'I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking 'cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home

When I learn to fly (high)'

As the music ended, Peter had a just moment to catch himself with a new web. The donuts almost didn't survive as a last minute web brought them back to the cursing arachnid.

He landed on the roof to the sound of a Deadpool serenade:

'I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So, tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah.'

"I really, really wanna eat." Peter admits, he hands over the donuts while making a grabby motion to one of the four extra large pizza boxes.

"As you wish, Spideycup." The merc looks at the bag then the pizza, dessert first clearly being considered. Peter does not wait for Deadpool to solve his dilemma. He starts to inhale his pizza, "Okay, what color was he? Please say blue, I got a bet with White."

"Sorry, not blue but he flew and made stuff in the office move." Peter chuckled at the memory and wishes he could say Strange turned blue.

"Nooooo! Now I can't wear my lacey underwear for a week."

"White doesn't like lace." Because what else could he say to that. Also did that mean Wade was wearing lace under his uniform.

"Bastard prefers commando. Yellow favors leather."

"Totally see it."  _ And I'm not forgetting anytime soon. Subject change desperately needed.  _ "Some commuters stuck in traffic sang 'Learn to Fly' while I flew over. I slowed down during it but didn't freeze completely."

"Okay so what did the magic man say?"

"I'm sensitive to the universe's energies and essentially probably not crazy. The songs/performances are essentially aura readings."

"So did he 'help'?" Deadpool asked, Peter wasn't sure how to answer.

"He was able to confirm I'm not dying or going insane do to magic or biology. He was not able to tell me how to control or stop the heart songs."

"So I can call him again but should try to not for a few months. Since he sorta helped I'll sorta stop."

"Sounds like a plan," Peter agrees with Deadpools assessment.

"I'm the merc with a plan. Oh, oh call me Captainpool no, no DeadAmerica." Peter shook his head in amusement.

Peter asked if Wade made it to the docks earlier and how it went. During the story time he ate from the extra large pizzas while Deadpool dramatically reenacted scaring off some drug dealers. 

"So there I am covered in baby powder and I say boo. Guy thought I was a ghost, passed right out." Peter laughs with Wade.

As the Spider finished each pizza, Deadpool would hand over the next. Soon Peter had finished a third pizza. Deadpool's triumphant conclusion coincided with Wade eating the last slice of his pizza.

Passing the bag to Spiderman, Wade waited until he was sorting through the containers of cream and donuts.

"Donuts! Gimmie, gimmie!"

"I believe you asked for cream so… vanilla, chocolate, strawberry or boston cream?" Deadpool's groan was indecent and reminded Peter of the blow job text. Bastard totally deserved some teasing.

"First three!" Peter grinned as he held out the three containers of cream and a vanilla cream donut to a surprised Deadpool.

"So I was thinking, one can't have too much cream," he quickly grabbed a strawberry donut and dunked it into the white whipped buttercream container.  _ Come on Peter, you can totally do this with a straight face. Is he watching me, damn mask, can't tell. _ Peter felt like a 13 year old trying to flirt with an amused older teen. He hoped he looked casual as he licked then nibbled the donut. It was totally just his imagination that there was more than one person moaning over Peter's donut. "Yuummm… totally right." 

Deadpool shoved his entire donut in his mouth… to keep from saying something to make this rated M or if he's lucky E. His glare at writer lady has not gone unnoticed.

Tonight was totally going Spider-man's way. So when his spider senses were triggered following a pair of huge explosions, he was disappointed but not surprised.

Wade grabbed the box of chocolate donuts and gloomped onto Peter's back. Both of them were too busy chewing and mentally cursing. Deadpool was hoping for a non human bad guy. He really wanted to kill something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friend like me Robin Williams
> 
> Learn to fly Foo Fighters
> 
> Wannabe Spice Girls


	8. Can't stop so let it go when its tainted love

"Ohhhh looky, Iron dick and Hulky have come to play! I see sparks. Think it's doom bots? I hope so."

"I'll check Wade," Peter's soured mood lightening as Deadpool excitedly talks about Team Xmas. "Red and green, we should team up with big green every week." 

"Karen activate and link with Avengers coms." Spider-Man takes a breath before speaking. "Tony, Wade and I are a minute out. Status update?"

"Sandman and Electro are trying to break into the west New York lab. Not much here right now, some experimental batteries and military grade protective uniforms we've been trying to make more cost effective."  _ Hmm, wish we'd stayed put. Totally going to spend all night debriefing and I still need to talk to Wade about the Avengers. _

"We will work on evac. Karen scan for life forms." Peter went to the side of the building where Stark Employees were gathering. Trying to stay out of the way of danger.

"Spidey, they interrupted DONUTS, I wanna get em." The merc growled and Spidey couldn't disagree.

"They are low level villains. We aren't needed, let's go help the people. Maybe you can find a plot within a plot."  _ Besides we need to talk still, _ Peter added to himself.

Wade grins and nods, excited by Peter's strategy. "Yeah the real villain is totally using the battle to cover Doc Octs super evil plans."

So Peter and Wade focused on leading the 11 security guards and two overachieving scientists further from the squirmish.

Spider-Man simply says, "Tainted Love." When the 13 civilians start singing,

'Now I know I've got to

Run away I've got to

Get away

You don't really want it any more from me

To make things right

You need someone to hold you tight

And you'll think love is to pray

But I'm sorry I don't pray that way'

"Spidey, keep the comms clear. We've got Electro down, helping hulk with Sandman." Tony scolds and informs Peter.

Deadpool laughs, "Run away? Very fitting." Once safely out of probable danger areas, Wade insists on frisking the Stark employees. A few thumb drives are confiscated. "Better just be some porn on these," Wade says threateningly, he pouts when Spider-Man plucks them from Deadpool. 

Spider-Man leaves the employees in Wade's not so gentle hands. To monitor the fight and pass the usb sticks over to Tony.

Hulk is having a blast, tussling with 'Sandyman' and Peter bursts out laughing when Hulk starts singing,

"Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I'm free"

Tony is guiding the tussle towards a retention pond. His blasts melts the sand to glass that then shatters when hit by the Hulk.

Iron man is having a blast, literal and figuratively judging from him singing,

'I'm burning through the sky

Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm traveling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now

I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball

Don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

Just give me a call

Don't stop me now

'Cause I'm having a good time

Don't stop me now

Yes I'm having a good time

I don't want to stop at all, yeah!"

The plan works smoothly. Soon Sandman is a wet shapeless puddle. Peter swings over to Tony. "Hey Iron man, got these off the employees we evacuated. Wade suspected corporate espionage with those two as your distraction."

"Spider-Man thanks but we can discuss during debrief." Tony seemed confused when Peter waved bye and shot with a blast of webbing. 

"Don't recall participating, just led an evac of civilians. Besides I have an early meeting tomorrow." Peter quips before swinging over to pick up Wade. "Karen, turn off coms and enter sleep mode."

"Hey stranger, wanna lift?" Spider-Man says to Wade, causing the merc to leap up yelling "You bet Thor's hairless balls I do."

"You aren't gonna make me debrief?" Wade asks when the pair don't head towards Avenger's tower.

"I don't recall you fighting any villains, did I miss an epic battle?" Peter asks with a snicker.

"Oh em gee, that's why we didn't help! You sneaky bug."

Peter growled, "not a bug," before depositing Deadpool onto a roof. Then he adds, "maybe you don't want to know the Hulk's heart song during the fight?"

"Tell me! Please, please, anything!" Wade dropped to his knees and raised his hands in supplication.

"Anything?" Peter asks but doesn't wait for an answer. "Let it go… the part where she goes crazy and lets it go."

"No fair, you get all the best types of crazy." The merc grumbles as he moves to sit on the ledge.

"Be nice, Iron man sang too." Peter sat by Wade, close enough to touch. He looked at the city while talking.

"You are my favorite everything. Tell me!" Deadpool was not above begging.

"Queen's 'Don't stop me now' and yes there were hip thrusts." Expecting an amused reaction, the arachnid hero was surprised at how jealous and annoyed Wade sounded.

"Bah, he's straight! That should be my song! I fully blame  **Iridescentkiss** ! You know who you are!"

"Need a moment Wade," Peter asked knowing that there were times Deadpool just didn't make sense.

"All good baby boy, so was there a reason you wanted to miss debriefing at tightassvenger tower?" 

"They want to recruit me to mentor new heroes," Spider-Man shook his head annoyed. "The sales pitch involved trying to discredit your accomplishments this past year. Of course they also want me to go public with my identity…"

"Did Spidey defend my honor? Gracious me! Oh my mint julep!" Deadpool waved a lacey southern bell fan over his face.  _ Where the hell did he find it anyways? _

"Heh, imagine if I declared you had to join too as my partner! We work together as much as any two Avengers." Peter was only half joking, he did think it would be a reasonable demand.  _ Never had a better partner. _

"Except no one knows who you are. If your secret is for a good reason, don't blow it on a lark." The scary, deadlier version of Deadpool was talking now. "I know I asked you to show me how to be a hero cause the Avengers said I couldn't. Don't do anything you don't want because it gets me on that team."

"Wade, they'd be lucky to have team red. We are amazing. But I think I need to hire you as a security consultant."  _ I hope this works out. Need Wade to know everything. _

"Webs, something wrong. You know I owe you, so no charge."

"Not exactly, Tony has known my identity since Germany. He promised not to tell, but with the pressure to reveal." Peter shrugged helplessly, "He seems to think he can protect my last family member. I need an impartial judge."

"Something changed over the last 8 years? Seems like he's kept the promise." Deadpool's tone was all professional, it made Peter miss the flirty, crazy chats even as it reassured him.

"Well, I'm about to get my doctorate and he became a dad." Easiest way to sum up his life.

"Shoving baby spider out of the nest? And Dr Spidey, be still my heart."  _ There's my Wade, shit not MY Wade. Stop it Peter. _

"Something like that and not an MD. If tomorrow goes bad, I'm going to text you a name and address. Watch her for me?"  _ Shouldn't need to be that extreme but back ups plans are always important. _

"Of course, wait TONY sang 'My wish' to you." The merc sounded like his statement made him ill.

"Yes, but I'm not sure how strong the songs are about predicting behavior." 

"And sometimes Irondaddies don't know best. I get it." Deadpool's sulk was a little strange.

"I'm a little wary of trusting his judgment…" Peter decides to see how much he can explain without a blatant identity reveal. Wade is brilliant, finding people was part of killing them, he probably has enough clues to find Peter Parker if he wanted. "He took me to fight trained enhanced professionals at the age of 16, with only six months of experience. Then told me I wasn't ready to be an Avenger and go back to playing hero."

"Wait, wait YOU were just a kid still. Fucking hell, no fuck him with Thor's shiny hammer." Wade gets up, ready to go do  _ something  _ to Stark. "The other Avengers know he did this, if so they are all going down."

Spider-Man had only restrained Wade once before. It was related to abusing a kid and Wade was allowed to maim not kill after a drawn out debate in front of the perp. So Deadpool was almost surprised to find himself stuck against the door to the stairs. It was the same webs used to grab things and swing. It'd dissolve in half an hour which would be enough time to get the merc to stop raging.

Before the merc launched to a spiel about kinks and safe words. This time he simply looked at Peter as though the Spider took his lollipop.

Peter rushed to finish the conversation, "Yeah, he can be an idiot. I'm only telling you because I think he is trying to make up for bringing a kid by keeping my secret. But I'm not a kid anymore." 

"You thinking blackmail," Wade growls getting worked up again.

"No, just that he tells the whole team. Make it an 'open' secret thinking it's a baby step to the world knowing." Peter steps closer to Wade, he needs to get the webbing off him as soon as he's sure Deadpool's mood is no longer stabby. "It's my life not his, if he does tell then I'm not sure I can join them with Tony on the team."

"Anyone else know?" And with that Peter's monologue starts.

"Living? My aunt knows and a friend from school. He was the one to kick Tony out of my suit. Great at programming. Don't see him often since grad school," Peter slices the webs at Wade's feet, trying to not think about looking up from his kneeling position.

"People I know tend to not live long. The four other people who knew are dead. My uncle was killed when I ignored a guy stealing from a sleazy businessman. I watched him die." With that Peter stands and starts removing the webbing from Deadpool's upper body, chest area first.

"With great power comes great responsibility," a shaky breath, "He said that to me the night he died."

Spider-Man's mask looked into the masked face of Deadpool. The only one who never, not even teasingly asked who he was. The only super who seemed content to let him share what he wanted with no pressure to reveal more. "Wade, I trust you. Are you okay if I tell you? I know you can't die but if you'd rather not know, I understand."

"I'll keep you and your Aunt safe baby boy. I'd take Tony out and let you keep your secret from even me if you want." The sincerity in the threat on Tony's life made Peter smile.

"If we can keep Aunt May safe, I don't think revealing myself to the world would be that problematic. No hurting Mr Stark, he has a daughter."  _ Just like a bandaid, rip it off.  _ Peter lifts his mask to his mouth, familiar from all the late night meals the two have eaten. A pause a his nose, shallow breath in, then he keeps going. "Hi Wade, I'm Peter Parker."

Peter was well aware that Deadpool crushed hard on Steve Rogers from his perfect ass to those piercing baby blues. His brown hair never stayed down but other than that he didn't stand out. Brown eyes and nothing special facial features were perfect for being just another guy.

He wasn't sure what to expect but not this, Deadpool froze said "well fuck." Then left Peter to talk to his voices. Except Peter hadn't freed his arms yet.

"White, you were right a-fucking-gain. Yellow, get off it, it's never happening. Just fucking perfect." Wade's side was all Peter needed to hear.

Spider-Man was just a plain guy under the mask. White was right and now Yellow isn't going to get to sleep with Spidey cause Wade's not interested. 

"Right, I'll text you before and during the meeting, 10 am."  _ Put the mask back, don't let him see. It was just a stupid crush. Reading too much into basic flirty, moron. _ Peter put his mask back on, hating that his vision blurred from watery tears.

_ Stupid heart song thing, not able to warn me he just wants a friend. I can do that, I'll be his friend. _

Wade was gesturing with his head at his hands, still webbed. Peter totally missed what the merc said but assumed it was a request to be freed. Spider-Man noticed they were dissolving, so he put his knife up. "Thanks again Wade."

He shot away as the webs dissolved and tried very hard to not hear Deadpool calling for him.

His phone vibrated with a new text. 

Wade:

"Sorry I didn't react well. Still friends?"

Peter:

"Bestest"

Peter almost always ended a conversation with Wade feeling amused, happy, or even confused. Once or twice he felt protective. This was the first time he felt worse after spending time with the Merc with the Mouth.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tainted Love Soft Cell  
> Let it Go Idina Menzel  
> Can't stop me now Queen
> 
> Sorry wasn't ready for a battle... Tony made me do it.
> 
> Yep, Peter projected his insecurity on Wade's insecure freakout
> 
> Wade wont sing unless all 3 are in agreement BTW.


	9. Leting it go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little music. Lots of texting. Think Wade's planning to sing faster than expected. Blame Aunt May.

At 9 am Peter checked his team red phone. Nothing, of course Wade wasn't interested in Peter Parker boy next door. He shakes off the sense of dread at starting the day without Wade.

If he was lucky then the merc was honest about becoming a hero; otherwise Peter feared Wade's desire to be a hero may fade with his loss of personal interest in Spider-Man.

Peter: 

"Hope you slept well. Heading to the meeting with Tony"

Wade:

"Tell me the type of donut I last ate to confirm all is well. Say the nasty flavor and I'll come rescue you, after target is secure."

Peter laughs as he remembers. Boston creme bad, chocolate good, anything else would send Wade to protect Aunt May.

A perfect unhackable safeword setup, something he should have thought of before making it all awkward with his face. Deadpool had probably already tracked down May. He certainly had enough info to do it.

Peter:

"I'm sorry I ran out last night. Didn't give you all the info you needed."

_You were the fool and he was probably up all night doing the job you asked him too. Wasted his time finding info when you could have been helping._ Peter scolds himself, being disappointed was no reason to shirk his responsibilities.

Wade:

"To confirm target, see if she liked the daisies you sent."

Boring phone out. "Aunt May, hey just calling before work."

May was ecstatic, "oh Peter, they are lovely. You've always been such a sweet boy."

"Glad you like them. Umm… have you seen the news lately. Spider-Man has a partner." Need to make sure she trusts Wade, Peter remembers quickly.

"Of course dear. Handsome man from what I can tell." May's amusement filters through her voice.

"If you meet him, tell him I said thanks. His name is Wade." There that should help smooth any meetings.

"Is Tony breaking his promise?" May sounds like shes about to storm Stark Industries with a frying pan.

"I'm really not sure, but I need you to be safe." 

May scoffs, "of course dear. Come by tonight and bring _Wade_." Her emphasis made it clear that she is not hoping to see a sword wielding mercenary but the man behind the mask.

Hesitant to agree. Peter bows out of the call citing a meeting soon, but agrees to text her if Wade agrees. Team red phone.

Peter:

"She loved them. Going to be buying her flowers 'just because' till the end of time now."

Wade:

"As you should! Have you been neglecting that gorgeous woman?"

Peter:

"I was young, broke, and stupid. Thank you for your enlightenment Sage Pool.

Wade, you've been summoned to eat dinner at her place. Think you can handle burnt lasagna?

She was a trauma nurse, your appearance won't shock her."

Wade:

"WWSD, never turn down a free meal and good company. Especially with a gorgeous nurse."

* * *

Spider-Man flew through the city to Stark industries. Landing on the helipad he wasn't shocked to see Bruce. "Hi Spider-Man. Heard you and Deadpool were around yesterday."

Peter nodded at the restrained man. "Don't worry he's fascinated with Thor's hammer. I'm quite sure you're safe for now."

The doctor reddened in embarrassment, "I'm relieved I think." They walked to the former living room of the Avengers, it was clean and quiet, a guest room now that no one occupied the tower.

"He's really not bad, no worse than Tony."

Speak of the devil, Tony walked into the living room. "Spidey, Brucie Bear! My favourite science bros."

The music from last night started again, Bruce Banner started singing:

'Don't let them in, don't let them see

Be the good man you always have to be

Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.'

Tony chiming in with a pleading, 'Do you want to build a snowman.' Made Peter shake his head in exasperation.

Bruce shrank from Tony. Curling up on the couch. Before the Hulks lines started he took a deep breath and stopped.

"Sorry Tony, have some projects to get back to…" Bruce waves bye to Peter, before fleeing the room.

"Friday privacy protocol please." Tony turns on Peter. "So your _evening_ appointment was with Deadpool? Don't you two see each other every night?"

"No, _Mr Stark_. Met up with him after my appointment with Doctor Strange." Peter was irrationally angry at Stark. He didn't want the man meddling but was annoyed when he ignored Peter. 

"Kid, call me Tony. Mr Stark is old."

"Pretty sure you're a dad now, means you are old."

"Yeah about that, you know I still see you like a son. I mean, you won't inherit Stark Industries but I always planned to make sure you get any resources you need. My daughter doesn't change that…"

"Tony I'm not jealous, I never wanted Stark Industries."

"What do you want?"

"For you to trust me? Respect my instincts?"

"I only question you about Deadpool and for good reason."

"No, you question anything you don't agree with. Including my decision to keep May safe." Peter shakes his head. Tony looks embarrassed and holds his hands up in surrender.

"I've been told I haven't been clear enough. As an Avenger in a leadership position you will get resources. Things like money, your paper trails covered up, the ability to move her anywhere she wants to go... May won't exist for Spidey Peter. Round the clock protection could be set up." Tony held up a file for Peter, "Supposed to be your doctorate gift but I've been told normal people don't know what to expect from me. I have this document that gives you a laboratory with plenty of startup funding, no oversight. Not under Stark Industries. You'd never have to stress about grants, unless you want to hire employees and grow. You've already been named on two patents during your internship. 15 percent of the profit from them is yours according to your contract."

"I don't feel like fighting all the time over this..." Peter grumbles. He admits there may be a chance that Tony was right and May could be safe.

"You scared off Cap for a while. He's convinced you are a college kid. Tried to correct his impressions but it's hard to explain how I know how old you are but not who you are." The request to tell the Captain the truth implicit in the tone Tony used.

Team red phone vibrated. Peter checked it to see a picture of a bakery case. He typed back, "not sure yet. Let me think about it?"

Tony looked at him, the man of iron's eyebrows raised, "baked goods?"

"Super metabolism, always thinking about food." Peter shrugs. When did lying to Tony become so easy, he wonders to himself. "Anyways, I'm not fighting anymore. You are right, I never considered what you meant by resources. So I came up with a solution, you prove to Wade that you can protect May and I'll discuss _us_ joining the Avengers. As long as we are able to stay in the city. Deadpool seemed interested in helping me mold the next generation of supers. So I guess I could even handle that responsibility."

Tony is speechless. Peter grins, "should I tell Wade to expect your call? Or will you drop it? I'm defending my next month, on schedule to finish with the spring semester. This summer is the earliest I'll make any changes. Great meeting, give Pepper and Bruce my best."

Peter snaps a pic of Tony's blank expression. With a little smile he sent it to Wade 'I broke him.' He then adds "chocolate cream." He took the file and left via Helipad, enjoying a brief moment of free fall before a swinging by web to the university.

A weight fell off Peter's shoulders. He wasn't sure what would happen after his Doctorate but this was more than he dreamed or imagined. With Deadpool's help securing his aunt the two could join the team. If not, maybe they'd finally accept Deadpool, he was proving his ability to work with others and use nonlethal force.

Boring phone chimes. 

Tony:

"You told HIM? Have you lost your mind?"

Peter:

"Yep and yes. I trusted him more than anyone else but May and still kept my ID secret for months."

Tony:

"Don't you trust Cap?"

Peter:

"I trust him to do what he THINKS is best for the world. She's my world not his."

Tony:

"Kid, I get it but she will be protected. Trust me."

That was the crux of the problem. Peter was always paranoid when it came to protecting his Aunt. The Avengers were almost as rabid as Jameson about Peter revealing his identity. Somewhere his superhero friends and the editor of the Bugle had started to be the same "them."

Iron man was part of them but until recently Tony had been 'safe.' Especially with his promise to keep Peter's secret. Pinpointing how Tony shifted to the category "them" seemed impossible.

Peter:

"I'm trying to but I'm too close to trust myself, you are too close too. That's why I asked Wade to weigh in as an impartial third party."

Tony:

"Christ, never thought he'd be considered for more than brute force problem solving."

The flash of annoyance Peter felt was followed by an epiphany. Tony became "them" during his many disagreements about Wade. Almost everyone except Tony left the matter alone for the most part.

Peter:

"Shall I give him your number? Heard Strange lasted 48 hours when Wade got his number."

Spider-Man evilly hoped for an affirmative but knew that wouldn't happen.

Tony:

"Can you give me his? I'm heading to a bunch of interviews of au pairs. Pepper decided she needs to see if they can handle me before she bothers interviewing them."

Peter:

"I'll ask him. He may have a special phone number for jobs. Pepper is wise."

Tony:

"Yes"

Peter sighed and texted May that he and Wade would be there after his 3pm meeting with his academic advisor. 

Team Red phone was taunting him with it's silence. An emoji thumbs up was all he got from Wade after sending the 'all's safe' donut flavor.

Peter:

"Want to swing to the house with me? Should be able to get you by 4:30."

Wade:

"Sure you want to be seen with me in my civvies?"

Peter was sure he meant during dinner. Peter had never seen Deadpool or Wade fully unmasked. May's request had been a chance for Peter to be greedy, but then it wasn't fair to force Wade to unmask when the man had so respected Spider-Man's reluctance.

Peter:

"No problems here but if you prefer a mask, I'm sure I'll get the disappointed look, not you. I get them plenty so no pressure, really."

Wade:

"Meet you there? 5:30? Or is that too late?"

Peter:

"Perfect. Thanks for humoring her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it Go and reference to do you want to build a snowman.
> 
> Yep, Wade's singing next chapter. Going to go one of two directions (heart song or he fakes it). Going to listen two three or four songs until I decide. Also expecting more from Aunt May.
> 
> Also, hope Peter's paranoia makes sense, even if he's stupid and wrong.


	10. Hold on you're not a Creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wade wants me to tell you he set a boom box up by the front step. He planned to pretend to sing a nice harmless heart song like Lean on Me.... But he got nervous and bought stuff instead.
> 
> Also, I've been keeping to 3rd Person Peter... This chapter insisted on going omniscient the whole time. Forgive me! 
> 
> May is a gentler version of Deadpool... She made me do it while wielding a frying pan.

Peter left with Dr. Knotts' last notes on his doctoral dissertation. The last bit of polish was done, his advisor's praise echoing in his mind. If Aunt May hadn't summoned him to dinner, he'd have probably showed up with champagne to celebrate anyways.

A quick check of the two phones showed nothing was new. He texted Ned the great news and smiled at the celebratory emojis. Buying the bubbly was surprisingly hard, who knew there were so many types.

Spider-Man swung over to Aunt May's, and landed in her backyard. He knocked at the back door before entering the smoky kitchen. He places the champagne into the fridge and pokes the black rectangle in a pan. As Aunt May enters the kitchen she smiles warmly and kisses his cheek.

"Peter dear, I'm afraid we'll not have brownies for dessert. Fortunately I just started the lasagna. Go change and then tell me about Wade!" It felt like he was bringing a boyfriend for inspection, he blushed at the thought but obeyed without question.

Aunt May was an older woman, a bit older than Mr Stark. She was greying now and wrinkles have appeared around her eyes. Where Tony hid his age with a youthful charm and arrogance, she wielded her age with a grace that gave her an air of authority. Combined with her no nonsense nurse persona, Peter was sure even Wade would be cowed and charmed.

Spider-Man uniform off, Peter tossed on a red solid t-shirt and some jeans. A callback to team red seemed like a good statement. He checked for missed messages and slipped the red phone into his pocket.

"Peter, come set the table." Which was May-speak for 'come let me interrogate you while making you be productive.' Peter smiled in the mirror and shook his head. Still more like a gangly teen than a superhero.

  
  


As he set the table, Peter told his Aunt the general facts about Deadpool. His career before Peter knew him, cancer, the scars all over his body, and his more recent career change. "He's a good person but I have not seen a single person give him a chance."

"So you trust him," May doesn't really ask, "and he seems like a lovely young man. I can't wait to meet your Wade."

"Aunt May, he's my  _ friend _ please don't make him uncomfortable."  _ Oh god, she's going to make him think I like him, then he'll avoid me again.  _ Peters panicked face makes May smile knowingly.

"Of course dear, when did you say to expect him?"

"In about 45 minutes. Do you want me to go get anything? A cake or cookies?" 

"In such a hurry to escape? Then tell me about Tony and your cryptic message this morning."

"The day before Tony pressured me to reveal myself with Steve Rogers. He wanted a private meeting and I panicked." Peter ducked his head in embarrassment, "He wanted to let me know that his daughter wasn't going to end our friendship. Also he plans to give me an entire research laboratory, with a massive startup and no strings."

"You sure about the no strings." May's narrowed eyes made Peter wonder if he was missing anything.

"Well the lab wasn't mentioned in front of any other Avengers and would be in Peter Parker's name. Also he did it as Tony not Iron Man." Peter runs his hands through his hair. "He described using Avengers resources to protect you if I revealed my identity and even moving you to wherever you want to go."

"Ben would know just what to say," May says wistfully. She didn't mention Uncle Ben often but almost a decade after his death, she is no longer devastated by his loss. "I can give it a shot."

"Sure, you are pretty amazing at the advice stuff. Besides we're team Parker now."

"I think he'd tell you to trust your gut," she decides. 

May reaches out and holds Peter's hand, his eyes widen as music starts,

'Keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Just stay strong

'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through'

As the music ends, she teases him a bit, "You've always been smart, except with taking care of yourself."

Peter flushes and mutters, "been doing better." Her song made him remember all the reasons Spider-Man was separated from Parker. "May, I could never ask you to leave this house or your job."

May huffs a breath out, "You remember I've been seeing Fred? He has been talking about moving in together. I wasn't ready to do anything to take away your home but you are about to officially finish school and own a business."

She gestures at the house, "it's a bit much for just me. You are close enough for quick visits. As for my job, I've been working in the same spot for 15 years. I could retire easily. It wouldn't even raise eyebrows."

Peter's eyes widened as he realizes he was like Tony. Mr Stark assumed Peter knew how protected Aunt May would be. Peter was assuming the protections would be uncomfortable or unwelcome for the woman.

"I'm sorry I never asked," Peter admits sheepishly. His phone vibrates.

Wade:

"I'm here"

Peter rushes to the door. May laughs as she follows. At the door is Wade in a black hoodie with a baseball cap underneath. He's wearing jeans but Peter can see the lumps, under the hoodie and the denim, that show the man is still armed and dangerous. 

His hands are full and his head is tipped down. A cruel trick Peter decides, he gets the man out of the mask and still sees no more than his lower face. Wade Wison was awkwardly holding a large wildflower bouquet on one hand. In the other was a bag with a bottle of wine and a boxed cheesecake.

A soft sound of music teases at Peter's senses. The song is familiar and it hurts to realize what Wade is about to sing,

'When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here'

The entire song Wade looks at the ground. Peter begs him to look up and see he's ok.

"Peter Parker, let the poor man in. His hands are full and you're blocking his path. Take those lovely flowers and see to it they get water." May chides as she nudges Peter backwards. Peter slinks off feeling a bit like a teenager. He hurries to comply with orders and takes the opportunity to save the lasagna from burning on more than the edges. "Mr Wilson or do you prefer Wade?"

"Wade please, ma'am." Wade says dazed as the older woman beams at him.

Wade's left hand is freed and May deftly places her hand at his elbow. She carefully keeps her chatter going as she leads him to the back of the house.

"Well Wade, I suppose I should thank you for the daisies earlier. Peter's a sweetie but not the flower buying type." 

"He's not?" Wade smiles at May and adds "we must correct this personality flaw."

She whispers conspiratorially, "first, let's all get a glass of the wine you brought and we can trade embarrassing stories about my nephew."

"Aunt May!" Peter gasps terrified, hoping to stop things in their tracks.

Wade, laughs at Peter's terror. The merc places the wine on the counter, "Aunt May, you are almost as amazing as Bea Arthur. Thank you for inviting me to your home."

"Wade, you are too sweet. Oh my, I forgot the lasagna! Is it okay, Peter?" Hurricane May puts the cake on the counter before inspecting dinner. Peter's eyes hadn't left Wade's face since the man laughed. He jumps a bit when May focuses on him and looks away sheepishly.

"Oh, umm yes, saved it Aunt May," Peter announces proudly while waving his hands over the pan.

With that May pulled out the salad, Wade was handed glasses to fill with wine, and Peter was directed to carry the lasagna.

" _ Aunt May,  _ you gave Tony Stark a shovel talk?" Wade gasped through tears of laughter.

"You didn't see Peter prior to his 18th birthday. He was so nervous about being pushed into being an Avenger." May defended herself while Peter's shocked stare showed he knew nothing of this. "Peter and Tony seemed to think 18 meant adult and ready to face the world. A few frying pans in his direction persuaded Tony to reconsider. "

"Aunt May!" Peter looked ready to sink into the ground and give up on life.

"Peter, if you think for one moment that I won't have the entire Avengers team over for a talk, you haven't been paying attention." Sweet, warm May was replaced by mama bear as she turned to Wade. "I don't suppose you need me to spell out exactly how important my boy's health and happiness is to me?"

"No ma'am and I offer my services if anyone hurts him." Wade nods, his face serious and grim.

"Gah, I'm right here!" Peter grumbles around a bite of food. "I'm an adult, hell I'll be Dr Parker in a few months according to Dr Knott."

"Dear, you have a history of taking care of everyone else first." May sighs, this is the speech she hates to give, "worse you have a history of not sharing when you have problems."

"Hmmph, told Wade when I thought I was having a bit of a meltdown." Peter defended himself before covering his mouth, "shit!"

"Wade, he told you?" May's eyes narrow at Peter, disappointed look warring with pissed.

"First time he saw me after it started he told me. He went to a doctor the next day. Let me cover his patrol." Wade seemed as eager to reassure May as Peter felt.

May huffs, "and you are okay?"

Peter nods, "just some mystic empathy hitchhiking with my Spideysense."

"Wade, remember he's a terrible liar, the back of his neck turns red. Always ask direct questions and don't let him redirect."

"Yes ma'am, I'll make notes in my  Care and Keeping of Spiders journal," Wade nods as May serves cheesecake and Peter opens the champagne.

"Now that you two have done nothing but talk about me, can we talk about anything else." Peter grumps. All his early attempts to redirect conversation had been thwarted.

"Sorry Petey-pie, but you are my favorite. Aunt May, he's your favorite too right?" Wade and May grin at each other.

"Fine, should I just go so you two can gossip behind my back?"

"Don't be a spoilsport Peter." Aunt May scolds but changes the topic, "Wade I happen to enjoy watching Golden Girls and since you mentioned Bea Arthur I assume you do as well?"

"Best show ever!" Wade launches into the theme song. May and Peter join in after laughing.

"Good, you can come watch it with me and we can swap tips for your journal. Peter, make sure he has my number."

"Yes ma'am. Oh Wade, I need to know what number you want Tony to reach out to you. I only have your Team red one. Wasn't sure if you used it for anyone else." Peter sees the blank looks. "I want you to look at Tony's plans to protect May. Aunt May, IF Wade's assessment is positive I want you to see the plan and decide if you can live with it."

May nods in agreement so Peter continues, "then Wade we need to discuss how we want to approach Team Red joining the Avengers."

"Double D won't hear of it." Wade points out. Peter is certain that Deadpool didn't believe his membership on the Avengers was a possibility.

"Ehhh, he's just an honorary member." Peter dismisses and looks Wade in the eyes. He was surprised at how easy it was to get used to being able to see the scarred man's face. "I don't know what surprised Stark more, that I trusted you with Aunt May or that you are my partner and I won't ditch you for them."

"Why would they expect you to ditch Wade?" May feels her mama bear waking back up.

Nervous Wade clears his throat, "I have a bit of a past…" he is surprised when Peter's 'mama bear' interrupts.

"She knows Wade. She knows you killed people for money. She knows you had a code that was darker than most peoples. I told my Aunt, because it's all anyone wants to talk about." Peter growls, "Wade, I know you shouldn't and can't forget, but it doesn't have to mean your future has to be as full of blood as your past. They should see what you are doing now."

"They aren't wrong, I'm unstable and annoying." 

"Hulk, Barnes, and Wanda though she's totally not annoying." Peter sighs. "I've been making lists of Avengers sharing your attributes all week."

Aunt May decides she's heard enough, picks up a Stark phone dials a number. "Tony, I'm adopting Wade. Mess with him and you mess with me."

"Gotta be fucki-sorry Pepper- kidding me. Do you like him more than me too?"

"Yes Tony. Now hand me to Pepper." A few moments later May was planning a luncheon to see Mrs Stark and her baby girl.

Phone call ends with May looking at the two confused men. "Now you two have been here keeping me company long enough. Thank you for coming, go get your rest."

Peter and Wade find themselves bundled up and on the street. Aunt May kissed both men on the cheek and told them to take care of each other.

"So that's May." Peter says as they stand looking at the house.

"Second favorite." Wade says nodding with certainty.

"Favorite what?" Peter asks but gets no response. "So she sang again… Keep holding on."

"I'm jealous," Wade confesses, "I wanna sing too."

"You sang too, when you first came in." Peter offers helpfully before remembering the topic of the song. His smile turns sad.

"So you weren't upset to see me. I know my face is hard to look at. You were upset about the song…" Wade's devastated face made Peter rush to fix it.

"Wade, relax. It was Creep by Radiohead." Peter shakes his head. "I hope you aren't still self conscious around May. I mean I understand it was the first time and you didn't have your mask." Wade's eyes flew open at the song title but as Peter explained it away, he relaxed. "So we can walk, call a cab, or duck into an alley and swing home."

"Let's swing baby!" Wade pulls a laughing Peter to the alley. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP brownies
> 
> Keep holding on Avril Lavigne  
> Creep Radiohead
> 
> Oh Wade also wanted a love song but he's still a bit torn up over how pretty Peter is. None of the voices could agree on one.


	11. Man I feel like a savage skirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Had a bit of Wade wrangling then when we finished fighting over the chapter I had to say goodbye to my grandfather over the phone.
> 
> Next chapter will be out in the next week or so depending on Wade's ability to respect the M rating... If you see a Fred Savage cameo I've probably won.

_ I'm a fucking idiot, what was I thinking? Oh my god, such a bad idea!  _ Peter's thoughts rushed through his mind as his blood rushed southwards.

Deadpool spent many long evenings piggybacking on Spider-Man. They joked about it, flirted even but it was the most practical way to travel on patrols.

"Even though I was totally right. Yellow cheated and changed the terms of the bet. The White tried to gaslight me. Like I don't write that shit down!" The chatter in his ears was the only thing normal about this situation.

Wade's jeans and hoodie were not the same as a leather superhero costume. Spider-Man didn't feel the heat of Deadpool's large body, just a comfortable, reassuring weight. When Deadpool rested his chin on Spider-Man's shoulder their two masks guaranteed Wade's breath was never felt on Peter's neck.

Right now Peter's Spider-Man mask was over his head, just in case a photo was taken. Wade's hoodie was cinched tight but that just funneled his breath to the crook of Peter's neck.

_ Argh, think of something else… is that a gun?  _ Wade's weight shifts.  _ Nope, not a gun. _

"Hear something? Do we need to stop?" Wade asks as the body under him shivers. "Was it a song?"

"Erk, err, nope. Nada." Peter gasps, desperately trying to find an excuse. "Chilly without my suit." He prayed the excuse would work. It was just another block from where Wade asked to be taken.

"Oh no! You becoming a spidercicle? Need me to heat you up?" Wade's concern and then flirty offer made Peter flush deepen. 

_ Yes!  _ His lower regions responded but his brain urges him to keep it together.  _ He's just being a friend, remember; Deadpool flirts with everyone. _

Peter shook his head, not trusting his voice. He lands silently on the roof. Wade continued, "You can have my hoodie little spider."  _ Here you go. He's not trying to get in your pants. He's being a friend. Stop being the perv Peter. _ The silence is answer enough because Wade turns to address the boxes. "Yes you did good. I remember the deal, Yellow. Gah, fine but if he throws us off a roof… exactly! thank you White."

"Spidey babe, the boxes would… err, right… the boxes AND I would like to invite you in. You know for a 'nightcap.' Hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm you up and we have video games!" During the awkward invite the merc with a mouth clung like a limpet to Peter's back.

"Ummm… you can get down Wade."

"Nuh uh. White says you'll leave! Besides, you're cold and I'm comfy."

"You want me to carry you to your apartment. Are you lazy or sleepy?"  _ Just drop him and swing away… is he nuzzling me? He did like Spider-Man, even if Peter Parker wasn't appealing. _ Peter is torn between embarrassment, amusement, and desire.

"Mmmhum, favorite." Wade agrees while snuggling deeper into Spider-Man's neck. Amusement wins. 

"Fine, where do I go?" Sleepy mumbles tell him and he opens the door to the roof and goes to a door.

"Wade, key?" Peter's prompt is met with a grunt.

"Kick it in, dun wanna move."

"No property damage," Spider-Man scolds while laughing.  _ He can't really go from normal to sleepy and clingy in just a few breaths. Hmm… I know what'll get the flirty merc moving.  _ "Princess style?"

No response verbally, but Peter's arms are suddenly full of a wiggly mercenary. Wade digs into his front pocket and produces a key, turning away long enough to unlock the door.

"Step into my lair?" The lair was surprisingly not a disaster. There were some takeout boxes on the counter. The old carpet looked like it hadn't seen a vacuum cleaner in months and had more than a few old stains but was free of larger debris.

"You the spider now? Or am I the fly?" The couch was old, worn but still comfortable looking and clean. In front of it was a large tv with game systems. The coffee table was littered with post it notes, controllers, and some weapons.

"Nope you're Bambi." The mumbled reply caused the hero to stop cataloging the apartment's features and turn to the 'princess' in his arms.

"Wha? Since when?" Peter questions as he deposits his 'sleepy' bundle onto the brownish couch. He pulls the mask off and moves to sit next to Wade.

After the loss of contact, triumph over getting Peter into his place, or just Wade being himself; he leaps from the couch now a ball of energy.  _ He must do this to drive me crazy, why am I Bambi? _

"Spidercicle, right!" Black hoodie ends up over Peter's head. No Spideysense warning combined with the abruptness leads to the brunette struggling to find armholes as he yelps in surprise.

"Hot chocolate, no wait blanket, oh yeah TV!" Wade turns on the tv while dumping an Afghan over Peter's lap. 

"Gah, slow down. It's just a cool spring night. No subzero temps," the weak protest is ignored as Golden Girls is turned on and a domestic mercenary goes to make hot cocoa, extra marshmallows.

The smell of gunpowder, gun oil, soap and something else is wrapped around the arachnid hero. There is rattling and quiet cursing in the kitchen. The voices seem to be attempting to make up for lost time Peter thinks as he turns to the TV. The antics of Betty White and Estelle Getty lull him into a content amusement.

\-----------

_ Where am I? Deadpool's place. Pancakes and coffee? What about hot chocolate? What time is it? Shit, I fell asleep on him. _ The now bare coffee table has a glass of water and a crude map of the apartment with exits, bathroom, and likely Wade's room judging from the hearts and zzzs drawn over it.

Shania Twain's song 'Man, I feel like a woman' is quietly playing in the apartment as an amused Peter sits up. Judging from the pillow under his head, he was tucked in last night. He ponders the warm feeling in his chest as he looks for the bathroom.

The sight of Deadpool, minus the mask but plus frilly pink apron, dancing in the kitchen while flipping pancakes stops Peter's heart. 

"Morning Petey-pie, spiderbuns!" The merc beams as he presents a towering stack of pancakes. He gestures to the bathroom, "toilet is that a way. 'Go bag' basics all set up. Coffee and breakfast, when you're done. It's only 9am. Plenty of time to get you off… to work."

As Peter turns to the bathroom, Wade belts the last stanza along with Shania:

'I get totally crazy

Can you feel it

Come, come, come on baby

I feel like a woman.'

_ Well I guess he was being quiet while we were asleep. Is that a travel kit with all new products? Guess that's what he meant by 'go bag.' _

A clean red hoodie and t-shirt, white with the words "Team Red" printed across the front, as well as a towel and washcloth are under the little bag. As Peter cleans up and changes he listens to Wade's singing along with 'Short skirt, long jacket' by Cake. The changes to the song make Peter roll his eyes.

'I want a man with the right allocations

Who's fast and thorough

And sharp as a tack

He's playing with his shooters

He's putting on his mask

He's touring the facility

And picking up slack

I want a man with a red mask and tight ASSests......'

He settles back on the sofa beside Wade, a tower of pancakes and a mug of coffee sits in front of each man. Wade pulls out a little pad when Peter smiles in greeting and greedily begins guzzling coffee.

"Spider's require coffee before communication," the merc says as he writes. "Likes it sweet with just a little cream. First cup cool enough to gulp."

"Oh god, you are  _ actually _ keeping a journal about taking care of me?" Peter exclaims surprised as he remembers Wade's notes from Aunt May.

"Oh I journal anything important Sweety Pete," the appraising look takes in Peter's reddening ears, "I'd never lie to Ms May about taking care of her little spider." The grin on Wade's face starts to seem a bit more shark-like.

There's a shift in the room. The Good morning soundtrack is almost silenced. Peter's eyes widen as he realizes he's trapped and about to hear another song. 

'And baby every time you walk by

I can feel magic in the air

Promise this ain't a drop by

I'm tryna sweep you up and keep you here

Got me running into circles around you

to please you I do what I need to

So pardon my manners

Just something about you turns me to a savage

Savage

If imma be honest I can't help but to stay

Yeah, I'm losing my balance

Got me running into circles around you

to please you I do what I need to

So pardon my manners

Just something about you turns me to a savage'

Unlike the night before, this was sung with Wade's blue eyes boring into Peter's. The two men drift slowly closer. As the words 'Savage' leaves Deadpool's mouth for the last time; Peter leans forward and kisses Wade.

The kiss starts as a chaste little kiss that quickly deepens.  _ Oh god, I kissed him. He's going to freak ou… wait he's KISSING me back. He likes me?!? Need to tell him about the song, not fair to him otherwise.  _

Peter's hand touches Wade's cheek as he pulls back. He smiles at the merc, trying to reassure him. "You sang again, different song. Do you want to know?" His smile works, Wade relaxes back into the sofa with a nod while making a grabby motion to pull Peter closer. "Savage, was very you."

"If I sing it again, will you kiss me?" Excited puppy dog is back. In an aside he adds, "Either of you two know the words?"

"No. I need to get to work." Stomach rumbles it's protest. "Eat, kiss, grab clothes and papers from my place, and then work by noon."

"Told you, Spidey's the real 'man with a plan.' Shut up, you heard him, eat now. Exactly!" 

Peter smiles as he starts to inhale the pancakes before they get colder. He groans in appreciation of the first bite and decides to ignore the responding whimper from beside him. Peter hears and feels Wade squirming beside him. He guesses the man is torn between eating and watching Peter eat.

As the last bite is chewed, brown eyes turn to meet the staring blue eyes. Trying to decide the best way to ask for a kiss, Peter hesitates which is enough for Wade to spring into action.

"Finally!" Wade crows as the other man pauses. With a gentle tug the larger man ends up with a lap full of a laughing brunet. Peter's hands loop around Wade's neck pulling the spider up for a kiss. His upper body is cradled by a hand in his hair and the other holding up his lower back.

The kisses are gentle and playful, more flirty than anything. Only half land anywhere near Peter's lips. The rest land teasingly on his cheeks, nose, forehead and along his jaw.

"Did it hurt?" The merc asks a puzzled Peter, kissing a small freckle under his ear. "When you fell from heaven."

"Wade… shut up and  _ kiss _ me." A pained groan causes Deadpool to cackle with glee.

"As you wish," whispered against the lips of Spider-Man. The next kiss is toe curling starting with little nibbles and working up to all tongue and lips. Wade uses every trick in the book to turn the other into a needy mess. An annoying chirp sound from a Hello kitty watch causes both men to freeze.

"Fuck!" Wade pulls back and holds up his wrist. Both men breathe for a few moments, pulling themselves together. "Time to go honey bunches. Pretty sure you won't stay over again if you don't make it to work on time."

"Too damn smart," Peter grumbles and shifts to sit on his knees beside the other man. "Tonight?"

"Patrol before, Spideycup?" There was no chance Spidey wouldn't patrol two days in a row. 

"Yeah, maybe we can start a bit early?" Peter offers while biting his lip. Wade shuts his eyes and mutters, "bad Deadpool, focus."

"Make out during patrol? Sure." Blue eyes sparkle with humor. The red hoodie appears out of nowhere and is tossed on Peter's head. "No more Spideycicle."

"Wade, it's spring. I'll be okay…" Peter presses a kiss to Wade's cheek, "see you later?"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I Feel Like a Woman - Shania Twain  
> Short skirt, Long jacket - Cake  
> Savage - Whethan
> 
> Thanks Gabriella and Iridescentkiss for the requests


	12. Chapter 12

Yesterday Spider-Man swung into Stark Industries, terrified of the bridges he was about to burn. Today a floaty, happy Peter logged into his workstation.

He checked the status of his simulations as he breezed through clearing two days worth of email. Team red phone was mostly quiet, only 2 cat memes and a 'xxx' which Peter asked if it was kisskisskiss or triple x rated thoughts sent his way. The response 'Yes' made Peter laugh as he shook his head. The spider could hardly be blamed for sending "xxx xoxo xxx."

He was happy to see a contact shared by Wade to his phone 'Golden arachnologist.' A new conversation was started with the three of them.

Golden arachnologist:

"You darling boy. Thank you for the daffodils and this precious phone."

Wade:

"SOMEONE appreciates sequins. You are welcome."

Golden arachnologist:

"It's a lovely shade of red."

"I should probably find a purse that matches it."

Peter:

"Wade, you never told me what number to give Tony."

Wade:

"I will sequin the world for you!"

Golden arachnologist:

"I'll let you know it my chosen purse is not red enough. Thank you again dear."

Wade:

"Or sequiny enough."

Golden arachnologist:

"Of course."

Peter:

"Hello?"

Golden arachnologist:

"Good morning, did you make it back home okay?"

Wade:

"Nope. He totes slept on my couch."

Changing conversations Peter sent to Wade directly.

Peter:

"Are you avoiding my question Wade?"

Wade:

"Yeppers. Don't worry I'm delivering a number as we speak.

Want to grab a taco? There's a food truck outside SI"

Peter:

"I think I'm being summoned to Tony. Raincheck tacos"

Wade:

"Don't drink the coffee… donuts are fine though."

"Chinese for dinner?"

Peter:

"Yes!"

Three hearts 

* * *

Stepping from the elevator, Peter is waved into Mr Stark's office. The man is standing by the window. As far from his desk as possible.

"Peter, do you know what that is?" Tony's finger indicates the two boxes of donuts.

"Best donuts in the city, sir?" Peter holds his face as straight as possible. "Can I have one?"

"Are you sure they're safe?"

"Wade got them? Gave them to you specifically?"

"Yes!" Tony seems thrilled that Peter finally understands the issue. Up until Peter walks over and pulls a chocolate cream donut out of the box. "No wait! You don't know what he DID to them!"

When the music starts the song almost makes Peter collapse with laughter. Tony Stark singing to him to slow down was all kinds of irony:

'Don't go chasin' waterfalls

Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to

I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all

But I think you're moving too fast

Oh you're moving too fast

Don't go chasin' waterfalls

Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to

I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all

But I think you're moving too fast'

As the song ends Peter just remembers what he'd been about to say.

"You mean besides bringing you a box of donuts with a phone number to reach him?" Peter asks around the donut. "If it was a prank it wouldn't be anything DANGEROUS."

"So kid, I need to see the contract you have with Deadpool. Hopefully we can get you out of it easy. He seems to like you." Back to secure business man, best way to send Peter out the door in a huff.

"What contract?" Peter grabs a strawberry missing Tony's alarmed expression.

"Everyone knows Deadpool takes one job at a time. Negotiating the fu-urrr heck out of it. Then he finishes it to the letter, taking liberties to tick off his employer when he finds them. I had Avengers offer him a contract job this morning. His reply, 'Currently under contract, contact me later if you aren't dead.' So that must be you."

"Hmmm, well I'm not employing him. Though I did say I might need to hire him for some security work." Peter shrugs. 

"So what exactly did you ask him to do… maybe we can figure out how to get you through this with your sanity intact. Also did you pay him yet, that's the easiest way out."

"I asked my best friend for a favor. He agreed and no I'm not paying him." Best friend, well they hadn't decided on a romantic label. Partner was true too, but lacked the personal connection Peter felt. "Tony, I'm not stupid. May likes Wade and I trust him. You got his number. Send him your plans. If he approves and May consents to the protections…then I'll reveal my identity when we join."

"You and Wade? You sure?" The man mutters about needing more coffee or maybe it was something more than coffee? Peter hid his smile by looking away.

"Golly gee Mr Stark now that you mention it maybe he is just a big ole meanie." Hello sarcasm my old friend.  _ So done with this… _ "He's worked with me for months, had dinner with my Aunt, I told him who I was even though he's the ONLY one to not ask. You know what I'm tired of lists. We join together because I'm not going to ask him to stay out of my work with the Avengers."  _ Especially if we are dating. _

"He's a loaded gun, sure you put the safety on but he's just a flick away from being dangerous." Tony's cup of coffee was raised to his lips.

"Hulk and Wanda. Since his membership with the Avengers isn't going to happen. My identity reveal is contingent on May's protection without team membership at this time. Maybe eventually you will see him as a helpful ally and not some mix of a closeted skeleton and a kleenex."

Peter wondered what was going to happen with the coffee when Tony's face contorted in disgust. The spray of coffee left his mouth as a fountain.

"Gee, looks like you managed to claim the rest of the donuts. Anyway, got the last few notes on my dissertation yesterday. Had hoped that was why you wanted to talk. It went very well, by the way."

"Damnit, how the hell did he prank my coffee?!" 

"Don't know but definitely grab a photo from the recording before you scrub it… it was a beauty of a spit take." Peter started laughing openly.

"I did not sign up for a prank war!"

"Do something nice for him?" Peter suggests with a shrug. "I tend to go with tacos but I'm sure he'd appreciate a nonlethal gun during our patrols."

"You mean like the stuff for Hawkeye and Widow."

"Why not? You want him to be less deadly, help him have the tools to make better choices."

"How'd you know the donuts were safe?"

"You have a kid, he'd never risk hurting a kid directly."  _ True but not the actual answer. _ "Oh and he told me cause I'm his favorite."

"Hey kid, now that I have a number from him… ask him to stop breaking into my office? Or better yet find out how he does it."

"Knowing Wade, he probably just asked Friday nicely."

"She was the first person I asked. Friday, how did Deadpool break in this morning?"

"I have no knowledge that Deadpool broke in this morning." Tony practically stuck his tongue out at Peter as the AI repeated her earlier answer.

"Friday, who brought the donuts in and did they touch the coffee." Peter asks, already seeing the loophole. If Tony wasn't so busy painting Wade as a demon, Peter was sure he'd have never fallen for it.

"Wade Wilson requested entrance at 12:05 to deliver donuts to Mr. Stark. He offered to start some coffee but left when I advised him that I could handle it."

"Thank you Friday. Wade's nice isn't he?"

"He is very kind to bring donuts to Mr Stark. He stops by to chat often and he always brings the prettiest flowers." Peter wondered if AIs could blush.

"My protege and my AI? Who's next Pepper?" Tony sank into his chair. Still not grasping Peter's point.

"She's getting lunch with May so probably, ladies adore him. He's tragic, charming, and  _ thoughtful _ ."

"How so?" A dubious Tony Stark narrowed his eyes.

"May's gotten daisies, daffodils, and wildflowers from him just this week." Peter groans, "She's going to love him more than me soon."

The two bonded over the pains of picking flowers. After discovering the second box, hidden beneath the coffee drenched box was still safe, they both had donuts.

"Speaking of proteges, how's Harley?" Peter asked more to be polite than because he cared.

"He's doing well. Second doctorate at MIT electrical engineering."

"Hmm… tell him happy 21st." Peter remembers the bitter feelings about Tony's second mentee. Especially that the kid was better than Peter on paper. Spider-Man kicks his ass though, Peter reminds himself.

"I should have tried to get you two together years ago. I think he's going to build a better future but you'll end up keeping it safe. With Pepper's DNA Morgan is going to run it." Tony sounded like a proud father in a way that always annoyed Peter.

"Tony, how can you say you trust me to save the world?"

"I do trust you, I just feel like you have a few hard lessons coming and I could help you learn the easy way." Peter understands and starts to think he can get through to Tony. The next song feels like a half step back.

'May you grow up to be righteous

May you grow up to be true

May you always know the truth

And see the light surrounding you

May you always be courageous

Stand upright and be strong

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young.'

"I don't think it works like that. All you are doing is making me feel like you are the enemy." The billionaire groaned but couldn't argue. It wasn't hard to see the rift that they were only just starting to patch.

"No more heart to heart. Tell me about your simulations? Any ideas on improving the heat sync?"

* * *

Peter:

"I am so sorry. I'll make it up to you."

Wade:

"What's wrong? Are you cancelling?"

Crying emojis followed.

Peter:

"Worse, I outed your accomplice in front of Tony."

Wade:

"Nooooo… Friday! She was my easiest way in."

Peter:

"Want the gif of him drinking coffee? Or the one where I eat the donut while he watches in terror?"

Wade:

"Both gifs, a kiss and all's forgiven."

Peter:

"Thank you for the donuts."

Wade:

"Anytime baby boy."

Peter:

"Would you tell me if your prank was an attempt to help me and him finally have a constructive convo?"

Wade:

"Nope, already unmasked my most secret ally, will not reveal more of Deadpool strategies even if you're my favourite."

Peter:

"Favorite what?"

Wade:

"Exactly."

Peter:

"See you in two hours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waterfalls TLC
> 
> Forever young Bob Dylan
> 
> I feel like Tony is a shifty guy. So smart he shifts opinions and changes easily.


	13. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade is holding the next chapter hostage. He demands Fred Savage or explicit sex scenes...
> 
> So here is a brief peek into the future while I remind Peter that he needs to patrol and not have sexy fun times on roofs.

Set 3-5ish years in the future:

Spider-Man climbed through the window of his apartment's bedroom. He looked at his empty bed surprised to see just a crumpled t-shirt. There was no light in the bathroom or under the bedroom door.

Removing his mask and suit, he grins widely. The smell of Wade's chocolate chip cookies greets the now unmasked Peter. He tosses on the shirt, smiling at the puffy painted words, 'Deadpool Does it Better.'

Expecting his husband to have come to greet him by now, with a plate of warm cookies because cookies. Peter quietly enters the living room, no one is there or in the kitchen. The warzone of a kitchen makes Peter roll his eyes. The lack of cookies makes him sad.

The second bedroom's light is on, which worries Peter. It was the designated 'yucky' room. Wade keeps his arsenal in there but it was also where he hides to regrow limbs. With no missions or big battles, that usually means a dark night for Deadpool.

Stealing himself for the worse, Peter hopes the cookies were a sign that he was wrong about what he's about to find. What he sees was far from anything he imagined.

"Wade, why does our second bedroom look like the bedroom in Princess Bride?" Stunned Peter looks around and fails to note the even bigger elephant in the room.

"Shhh… Spideycup, reading a story to little Freddie." Wade shows a stack of computer paper, the pages covered in stick figures and handwritten paragraphs. Peter recognizes them as the book Wade had been working on, "How I met your daddy, Spideypool Edition."

"Is that Fred Savage?" Not enough cookies in the world, Peter decides. He looks around for a phone and wishes that his phone was not with his suit.

"May I go home please, Mr Parker." Begs Mr Savage. 

"You are home! Now let grampie Wade finish the story." Wade grumps as he looks to find his place.

"Wade, I thought we agreed that kidnapping isn't cute?" Silently he mouths to Fred, 'It will be okay.'

"Yeah but the author wasn't letting me get ANY action. So she gave me him." His gloved thumb stabs in the direction of Fred.

"Wade, what about last night." Peter rubs his husband's back, best to redirect in times like this.

"Off screen, doesn't count." Wade sulks.

"Well, you want to see what else we can manage off screen," Peter whispers a few options.

"Oh god, did not need to hear that." Fred complains but stops when Wade leaps from the room. His yell of, "bye little Freddie, safe trip home."

"Sorry, Mr Savage. You know he won't hurt you." Peter leans over to untie the ropes.

"Yeah, but I had a date night with Mrs Savage," Fred complains. "You know what, remind him to leave a note or let me keep my phone. I'm going to have a hard time explaining why I missed dinner."

"I'll vouch for you with Jennifer. I'll watch Lily and Oliver for an evening. Dinner next week?"

"Ehhh, sure what's a little kidnapping between friends. The bedroom set up is new." Peter laughs since the friendship occurred after the first time Wade tried to kidnap Fred.

"Oh Peteypie! I'm ready." The singsong call makes both men blush.

"Money for a cab on the counter, take it from Mr. Piggy, lock yourself out, and I'll text Jennifer." Peter calls out as he runs to his bedroom.


	14. Raining Balls and Swinging on Chandeliers

Peter was running late. The girl in the florist shop had been helpful but figuring out how to explain flowers for a maybe boyfriend, definitely a partner/teammate/best friend was harder than expected.

The two came up with a pair of red roses (team red, Peter was proud of himself) and a black ribbon with puffy paint deadpools masks and spider webs. The puffy paint was why he was late.

Peter:

On the way now. Got held up.

Wade:

Need backup?

Peter:

Not that kind of hold up.

Peter carefully webbed the roses to his back. He swung around so his approach would be from an unexpected direction. Spotting his target easily, he swooped from the sky.

Spider-Man scream-sang, "I came in like a wrecking ball!" As he successfully tackled Deadpool, who was fangirl squealing, to the ground. 

"My own spider-ball!" Wade shifts to lift his mask with a hand and starts singing. "oh yeah. 'Hurt so good, come on baby, make it hurt so good.'" He giggles to himself and adds, "Mmmhhhmm he can drop in anytime."

Peter laughs and sits up but makes no move to get off Wade, "I got you something, want it?"

"I got the gifs, you owe me a kiss?" Deadpool puckers like a fish as he guesses.

"Sure, but first I think there's something on my suit." Spider-Man's mask hides his blush and as he twists the pair of roses comes into view.

"Pretty as my spideybuns!" Wade coos over the flowers and cuts the webbing from Peter's back. "Custom ribbon! Aunty M will be so proud."

"You like them?"  _ Is it too soon for roses? Did I make a mistake? _ "I was trying for team red but also because we have a date tonight. Unless it's not a date… not that I don't want it to be a date. It's just you seem to appreciate flowers cause you keep giving them to May and I wanted to do something nice…" 

So caught up in a nervous ramble, Wade's sifting goes unnoticed. Deadpool puts the roses on the ground, slips up and out from under Peter until he can sit up with the Spider still on his lap. Wade grins as he decides to silence the other man.

Peter is cut off when large gloved hands raise his mask to the bridge of his nose. The cool evening air hits his flushed face for just a moment. Warm lips cover his mouth and it clicks that Wade is kissing him. Peter moans in approval and grinds against Deadpool.

Wade's hands move from framing Spider-Man's face down to grab Peter's shoulders and the merc gently pulls himself back from the kiss.

"Going to be the death of me, Spidey. WWSD, patrol first, sexy fun times later." 

"Hate him. Spiders know nothing. WWDP?" Spider-Man pouts when Wade's response is a laugh.

Peter sulkily pulls down his mask and waits for the familiar thud of Deadpool's weight along his back. He's glad for his mask when Wade confides, "WWDP, patrol because feeling that spideybutt makes it hurt soooo good. Yellow totes wants to blow you and White wants to bend you over every ledge in the city."

As they start patrol Wade's exuberant singing pierces the muffled constant sound city.

'I'm gonna swing from the spider web

From the spider web

I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist

Like it doesn't exist

I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night

Feel my tears as they dry

I'm gonna swing from the spider web

From the spider web

But I'm holding on for dear life

Won't look down, won't open my eyes

Keep my glass full until morning light

'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight!!!!!!!'

It isn't long before the pair of masked heroes drop in on a mugging. Three college women dressed for a girl's night are being threatened by two thugs with guns.

Deadpool lands between the men and women. He looks over his shoulder to charmingly wink at the ladies. Spider-Man webs the guns to a nearby wall causing the muggers to turn and flee. Music starts and Peter is treated to three women performing 'It's raining men,'

'It's raining men! Hallelujah!

It's raining men! Amen!

I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get

Absolutely soaking wet!

It's raining men! Hallelujah!

It's raining men! Every specimen!

Tall, blonde, dark and lean

Rough and tough and strong and mean'

As he webs the fleeing men up, he casually says to Wade, "It's raining men."

"Hallelujah," the merc laughingly shouts before falling down laughing.

"Cops are on the way, please stick around and give a statement," Spider-Man heroically instructs the three. He tries to pretend Wade isn't losing it on the floor.

The laughter is infectious and the ladies are all giggling as Spider-Man tries to guide them out of the alley. Wade joins the women singing, 'It's raining men' as they wait for the police.

Later on the roof, Peter pokes one of Deadpool's pouches. He can't help but feel a little jealous that he kept the numbers. "Did you really score all three of their numbers?"

"Ehhh, rude to not accept the number. One is for you," Wade's grin as he holds up a slip of paper. "Gabby said you seemed shy but she'd love for you to web her up."

"Would rather web you up," a half thought, mumbled reply. Peter blinks when the paper catches fire.

"Yes, please." Deadpool's voice cracks a bit.

"Is that what you want or Yellow?" Peter wonders. As Wade's weight presses against his back, Spider-Man hears a voice close to his ear, "Perfect Petey-pie, I want anything and everything." 

"Yes, please." Peter croaks out as he shivers.

"Spideycicle? No wait, suit heaters." Deadpool's cackle of triumph, "little spider told a fib? Should we spank him?"

"I'll drop you!" Spider-Man threatens as he leaps into the air swing to the next area of patrol.

"Not a denial," crows Wade in triumph, "besides you'd catch me! My knight in stretchy spandex." 

"Yeah," Peter admits. He pauses to watch a transaction between a cabbie and a loudly complaining man. When the taxi drives off safely, patrol continues.

"If I fall, he'll catch me, he's always there. Time after time!" Deadpool sings, waving a lighter in Spider-Man's face.

"Have you changed all the lyrics or is this a work in progress?" 

"Totes a WHIP." Even though he knows it's WIP and he knows Deadpool knows, Peter can't help but be sure Wade is saying it with the silent 'h.'

"Well, whip it real good." Peter grimaces at his own pun.

"Oh we will…" There is no mistaking the lecherous tone of Wade's voice.

"Not me, the song." Spider-Man hastily corrects.

"Hard limit?"

"Wade, not now."  _ Note to self, never remove mask from costume design. New York would never let me live down this level of blush. _

"Not a yes. I know White, totes got this. Yellow, stop whinging I'm sure he'll spank us." 

"Wanna check on double D?" Peter realizes he hadn't heard anything lately from Hell's Kitchen.

"Trying to change the topic? Or want to ask if he'd like to join us? He just screams kinky! Team Red on the streets and between the sheets!" Peter misses a web and hastily corrects his path.

"No, no, but if he's ever drinking… please say that to him. Pretty sure he's got a romance thing B.T.Dubs." Peter remembers Bruce choking on his tea and wonders if Deadpool can phase Daredevil as easily.

"Damn forgot about his low hanging cloud, well guess this isn't going to turn into a story inspired by Gwenpools_aesthetic…. Yeah woulda been totally hot." Landing on a roof, Peter pauses for the stream of unknown references to end.

"Wade, need a moment?" They were on the edge of Hell's Kitchen. As soon as they entered they were likely to be accosted by Daredevil as the man closely guarded his territory.

"All good, think there will be ninjas? Maybe they'll sing kung fu fighting! Then I can go in singing 'Another one bites the dust.' Oh, can we do that one together? Pretty pleasie spidey petey?"

"Sure Wadiepool, or we can say a quick hello. Offer contact info and call  _ patrol _ done." 

"Ehh, fuck the ninjas. Swing through real fast. Maybe we can manage to miss the devil." Peter snorts at Wade's about face. Too bad his spider senses were letting him know that the phrase 'speak of the devil' held more than a grain of truth in Hell's Kitchen.

"Hey Mr. double D, sir. Wade got some secure phones so we could all keep in touch. I can give you my number or ummm…" Peter looks at the red phone with black sharpied penises being presented by Wade. "Wow that's a lot of dicks."

"Gah, knew I shoulda let him in on the test." Wade's pout is easily ignored by the two men.

"He knows I'm blind, Mr Wilson." Matt smirks, rejecting the penis phone.

"Well duh, the test was how long before your boyfriend and partner in law told you it was a penis phone."

"Wade, secret identity." Spider-Man shakes his head in amusement. Sure it was one of NYC's worst kept identities but it was Matt's to keep.

Eventually Matt agrees to take the phone, sans penis case. Deadpool grumbles about the number of times the word penis had been used while remaining fully clothed. Peter just silently wonders what city wide catastrophe would keep him from ending the night on a good note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrecking ball Miley Cyrus  
> Hurt so good John Mellencamp  
> Chandelier Sia  
> It's Raining Men The Weather Girls


	15. Iris, I want you to take off all your clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mention corona virus to be a little silly. Please take it seriously, we don't have fictional super heroes able to solve Corona Virus in a month or so. Also the cure was given in China so no FDA red tape. Blah blah stay in, social distance for the sake of folks like my husband.

It was a sunny Friday morning when Peter rolled over. He grinned at the sight of Wade asleep beside him.

"FUCK NO!" Wade yelled out looking at the ceiling. "You do not skip the date, they have been waiting THREE chapters to get there. Back this shit up… but totes keep this bit as the end?"

Peter blinks, "They who?"

"Aww sugarbuns. Just a dream. Mean writer lady learned her lesson."

* * *

Chinese food in hand, the two masked heroes made their way to Wade's place. Entering the apartment was eerily familiar. Princess style and a patient Spider-Man refusing to kick the door in while Deadpool whines about being comfy.

As the door shuts Wade's mask is pulled from his head and he quickly unmasks Peter. For a moment they simply look at each other. Smooth light skin with brown eyes meeting blue eyes set in scar tissue.

Masks and boxes of dim sum safely deposited on the kitchen counter Peter drops Wade's feet. Instead of standing though, the Merc with the Mouth wraps his legs around Peter's waist and begins kissing him. 

Wade's hands immediately seek out the ruffled hair. Once there, one hand drops to cup the back of Peter's head while the other cards its way through the brown strands, trying to mess it up more from the way it feels. The kissing changes as quickly as Wade's temperament, slow and soft to fast and rough to deep and explorative.

"Is it a date if we don't eat at a restaurant or go to a movie?" Peter wonders between the kisses being traded in the kitchen.

"Social distancing." Wade says slowly as though Peter missed a major plot point. He kisses Peter's nose to watch it crinkle.

The phrase is foreign and only vaguely familiar. Peter thinks about it while catching his breath finally he remembers, "Wadiepool that was 2020 and only in Asia… and after a month Stark and Banner provided free vaccines. Besides all that, we are safe because of our healing factor." 

"Better safe than sorry," Wade argues, "We can just shelter in place for two weeks…or months?"

"Okay, date night on the couch. But I will take you on a real date." Peter declares settling for redirection. His spider senses keep going off while he's running his hands along Deadpool's back, "Too many weapons."

"Chinese is better in bed," Wade suggests while experimenting with blowing air along Peter's neck. The tremble that follows makes him grin in triumph. Wade latches on to see how much of a hickey he can make before it heals.

"Jesus… gah… don't want to wake up covered in rice." Peter manages to get out between gasps.

"Wake up? Too busy to sleep. Now shush, you're interrupting my experiment." Strong fingers try to grip Wade's waist but find inconveniently placed weapons.

"Hypothesizing how long till I drop you?" Peter was kicked into scientist mode. It would be hard to drop Wade unless he kept making Peter go weak in the knees. More than likely they'd end up on the floor when Peter's knees give out.

"My big, strong spider? Never." Wade pulls back to admire the spot. "Testing your healing factor."

"Hickeys? Are we in high school now?" Peter growls as he finds more weapons running his hands along Wade's biceps. He wanted to touch too damnit.

"Totes, you can totally wear my jacket babe." Wade is fixated on watching the spot heal, only half noticing Peter himself. Peter would laugh but a sharp edge cuts into his index finger causing him to wince.

"Get down and go change. I'm hungry and want to be able to kiss on the couch without being poked by a gun or knife." Peter grumps pushing Wade away.

"What about a Wade?" A hip thrust is rewarded by both a groan and blush from his friendly neighborhood spider-friend.

"I want to eat my crispy duck before it gets soggy." Peter states, ignoring the question. 

No longer wrapped around _his_ spider, Wade seems more inclined to humor the voices, "Well, it's not like he could have gotten the full effect. If only he turned blue!... Yellow, consent is sexy, idiot. Yes, but need safe words first and limits. White, help or shut up."

Peter remembers the bet with White vividly, it meant Deadpool was going commando for an entire week. Information that was going straight to his head. 

Looking at the fridge, Peter distracts himself reading the numerous post-it notes. Grocery lists mixed with domestic to do lists litter the front framing the three pictures. Crayons were used to draw Deadpool riding spider-back through the city, the next was Deadpool on a unicorn pooping rainbows, and the third was Spider-Man's masked face on a pink heart. He almost misses a list of songs, all crossed out. _I know these, Wade's sung them all this week._ Baby got back, Hey baby, and others but some are scribbled over. Curiosity almost wins out but it feels wrong to know what he chose to not sing. Maybe it was a bad choice. _Or maybe they will tell me too much._

Peter grabs the food and chopsticks and dashes to the living room sorting the boxes onto the coffee table. He feels like he violated 'fridge privacy' even as he wonders when that became a thing.

'It's getting hot in here (so hot)

So take off all your clothes

I am getting so hot,

I took my clothes off'

"Wade?" Peter's head whips around to see, Wade's surprisingly covered body. A white henley and black sweats have replaced the fully armed leather Deadpool uniform. Before he can form any questions a red t-shirt covers his face followed by black sweats.

Wade struts around the couch still singing before plopping gracelessly onto the couch. Peter looks at the clothes with a raised eyebrow. Wade's eyebrows wiggle in response, or at least the area they would be located move in a wiggly motion.

"You wanna get more comfy, I'll definitely pretend to avert my eyes?" Peter laughs at the question, from anyone else it'd be creepy not silly. The offer was a good one, Peter decides.

With Spider-Man agility Peter hops in Wade's lap pausing to give him a deep kiss, before using the other man's shoulders to backflip over the sofa. Wade's wolf whistle follows him to the bathroom.

Dressed in baggy, borrowed clothes Peter feels far from sexy. Hungry blue eyes watched him round the couch, a tingle runs up his spine that normally meant trouble but this time felt more like anticipation.

"Damn, baby boy, you're hotter than Spider-Man when you're wearing my clothes." Wade proclaims, "I know we can't see his ass, but we know it's there and grabable."

Peter's heart stops. Could Peter Parker be hotter when he's not wearing spandex and covering his face in a mask?

Mind whirling with this new knowledge, he settles in next to Wade to eat. He's halfway through his duck, long past crispy not that he noticed, when he realizes the tv was never turned on and he is still being watched. 

"Done…" he never gets to ask if Wade is 'done eating already' because he apparently announced he was done. That announcement sprung a trap that consisted of an impatient, very enthusiastic Wade Wilson.

Peter is pinned to the couch, his mouth opened in surprise and promptly covered in a devouring kiss. He tastes Wade's spicier pork dish. He hears the box of duck fall on the floor but barely feels a flicker of sadness.

The silence of the apartment is broken by the volume of a song slowly filling the room. The kiss ends but lips press against his cheek, Peter freezes as Wade starts singing:

'Anytime I need to see your face,

I just close my eyes

And I am taken to a place where

your crystal mind and

Magenta feelings take up shelter

in the base of my spine

Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola

I don't need to try and explain;

I just hold on tight

And if it happens again, I might move

so slightly

To the arms and the lips and the face

of the human cannonball

That I need to, I want to

Come stand a little bit closer

Breath in and get a bit higher

You'll never know what hit you

When I get to you

Ooh, I want you

I don't know if I need you

But, ooh, I'd die to find out

Ooh, I want you

I don't know if I need you

But, ooh, I'd die to find out'

As the song ends blue eyes focus on him curiously, "Something wrong?"

Wade must have noticed the stillness as Peter's mind is whirls with implications and he searches through the words. Nothing stands out as bad but it's not a song he knows, "chic-a-cherry cola song? I want you?"

A flicker of happy, surprise is replaced by a sudden moment of fear. "Spidey if I asked to find out, I really don't want to."

"No you said you'd die to find out and we both know I don't like you dying." Peter finds himself angry about the song because now he's not being devoured. He bites his lip and pushes his hips against Wade. When the face before him goes predatory again Peter moans in satisfaction.

Wade growls and dips his head to bite at the abused lip. Hands eager to touch and explore the scarred skin slide under the white shirt. Firm but gentle, Peter strokes up Wade's spine pulling their bodies closer.

"Jesus fuck, don't turn into a pumpkin or an apple pie." Wade's head drops by Peter's and his breaths are shallow and fast. "Fuck you, do you see him? God yes. Of course."

Peter slowly pulls one of his hands out of the shirt, his right hand squeezes between the two bodies to press Wade's cheek.

"Won't turn into pie, should we go to bed?" Peter blushes as he realizes he just invited himself to Wade's bed. He moves to correct himself, "Or I can stay here…"

"Ha, Petey-pie is the best." Wade announces to the boxes as he scoops Peter up and goes to the bedroom. "White thinks you'll turn into a unicorn plushie if we finish too soon… Yellow is sure we'll wake up covered in pie."

"Wade, when did you light all the candles?" Peter realizes he'd lost track of time trying to collect himself at the fridge. Somehow 25 or more candles had been lit, without Peter realizing it.

"Like em?" Wade drops Peter onto a soft, grey comforter. Peter nods and pulls Wade beside him on the bed. A phone is pressed and the room fills with Wade's pre-planned seduction playlist.

'Take on me' by A-ha plays first, Wade unconsciously hums along with the chorus. 

"This is a first," Peter thinks out loud.

"Oh god, you're so perfect, how could you be a virgin?" Wade shrinks in on himself. Sure it was all too fast and somehow blaming himself.

"Umm… no." Peter corrects. "Lost it _all_ during undergrad years. Lots of one night stands, didn't have time to have a relationship and was worried a boyfriend or girlfriend would die."

"I can't die," Wade volunteers. 

"Correction, you don't stay dead and I prefer you unhurt." Peter shifts to press a kiss just under Wade's ear. "I do appreciate that you won't be easily kidnapped."

"I do have a weakness to being tied down by spiders." The eyebrow wiggle makes Peter laugh.

"I thought your weakness was butts." To prove his point Peter straddles Wade, grabs a hand and places it on his butt. Blue eyes darken with desire. There's a soft wordless curse as Wade finds out Peter went commando while in the black sweats.

"Hmmm, that too." The words sound forcefully casual. As though they weren't both losing their minds with pleasure.

"Tacos." Peter adds with a hip roll. They both pretend there aren't two hands kneading the butt that started it all.

"From where?" Wade's obviously straining to not break down first.

"Maria's in bed with me." Peter chokes out as the body under him presses up.

"How are you dressed?" As though tacos in bed wasn't a complete fantasy.

"Your favorite panties?" Peter takes a guess and is rewarded by a long drawn out groan.

"And me?" 

This one is easy Peter grins and leans close to an ear. "Nothing but webs." 

The expletives from Wade's mouth are oddly satisfying. The press of their bodies and images of a future night drives them both to a fast finish.

Peter freezes as his vision whites out, his weight is supported easily by his elbows and knees. He is about to apologize when he realizes Wade was in the same boat. Always prepared, a cloth is grabbed and both men clean up.

Peter wonders what else was on Wade's playlist as he drifts to sleep. The song playing is pretty he thinks, he doesn't notice Wade fiddle with his phone to stop the music. He falls asleep listening to Wade croon:

'And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

When sooner or later it's over

I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am'

* * *

It was a sunny Friday morning when Peter rolled over. He grinned at the sight of Wade asleep beside him.

"FUCK NO!" Wade yelled out looking at the ceiling. "You do not skip the date, they have been waiting THREE chapters to get there. Back this shit up… but totes keep this bit as the end?"

Peter blinks, "They who?"

"Aww sugarbuns. Just a dream. Mean writer lady learned her lesson."

Peter drifts off, it was too early to figure dreams out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took longer than I expected... Thanks to everyone who read this far.
> 
> Hot in here by Nelly
> 
> I want you Savage Garden  
> (The song ends with the singer saying "Can we find out?" so that one line makes it like a breakup moment.)
> 
> Iris Goo Goo Dolls

**Author's Note:**

> So any request for favorite songs or characters?
> 
> Also, please let me know what you think.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who made it this far. Kudos and/or reviews are so appreciated.


End file.
